Saturday, December 19, 2009

Chapter 5 ends

How many times things go just the way you want them to happen? and how many times you have jury exactly the way you want it to happen? JURY the big day where all your semesters work is analysed in few minutes and if you have impatient panel then you have to jump on the final concept without showing the process you focused on..

"I don't want to have a serious tension filled jury. i want it to be eased out with people all around and everyone laughing and enjoying" I told Mr. Bharuch before my jury. I had made my presentation in the same way that if anyone reads them they'll have a smile at least on one of the many slides. but what if external is a serious guy who does not believe in humor and will have some totally negative way of looking at me? it was a chance i had to take as it was this sem or never. I had immense fun in this semester working. i wanted it to reflect in my jury. but it was a risk.
I took that risk.
made the fun presentations and had everything planned and all set. Mr. Minda had his jury before mine and he so nicely forgot to explain our mechanisms contraption of breaking the egg. after reminding him we went and explained it to them. Our model which our dean asked not to show in jury was something they liked. i sighed and i had a hope that my jury might go how i planned.

It started with "hello sir, am Rohan Saraf". "sorry whats your first name?" "ROHAN". "aah Rohan". ":D". then i said lets start with composites? they didn't say no. and JURY started. went on. and on and on. by the end everyone in the room, jury panel, External faculty(with some awesome sense of humor), me, all audience at back, all of them were laughing and i was jumping around. This is exactly how i wanted it to be. Was i dreaming? NO i wasn't. it was just what i wanted. I didn't care about grade. they got all the enthusiasm and energy i put in my work. i had a big smile on face and I cant wait for the 6TH sem to start now. i want it to start and i want to start working again. so i am going to do things that will keep me on track till sem 6 starts..

Sunday, December 6, 2009

j for jury part 2, j for joke part 1
that is me last year same time before jury. After a night's work on pepper grinder and constant criticism from the faculty. working day and night trying to finish off the courses somehow.
This is me this time one week before the jury, with almost everything done not once but bout twice, with some sketches apart from assignment work and also most of the faculty has already seen my work this time. The scene is totally different. no matter who takes the jury its going to be almost similar. What more has changed is i can help people with the courses i faced problems with, yes we learn from mistakes. Jury is something everyone is scared of. when it is one week away people work, when the dates and panels are put up people work more and some crib. When juries are over everyone is happy. No, not because they did good but its off your head, the pressure is gone and yes you are in next semester. 5th sem is over for me(almost). what if they don't send me to next sem and ask me to repeat this semester again? Well its just a possibility. but somehow the probability of that possibility coming true is really low. so i can be happy. techno aesthetic detailing submission which was supposed to happen last week has been postponed yet more by one day minimum. when was the last time you wanned to give presentation and no one is ready to take it? I don't wanna complain so never mind. Rest is the same. working level has gone down as there is not much to do. So i sketch to kill time. It's not quite me but its true. big boss wont be that disappointed with me this time.

For fellow learners ill say, best of luck for your juries? work hard and wonders might happen.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Graphic Vs Product design

"product designers can do better graphics than graphic designers" claimed one faculty.
i say no comments.

Three weeks after struggling to make some graphics on a Boeing 737, all i know is there is one thing i find very difficult in graphic design and that is making something that everyone will like. the biggest problem is generation gap and cultural block. what faculty likes you wont like. what you like, they won't like. its like ctrl + I in photoshop. yes i been using a lot of that software as thats the awesomest thing that can happen to designers. After the course my respect for graphic designers have gone up even more. Working with almost no constraints and yet creating something that will be loved by everyone, now that's a huge task. and its awesome how they do it. But what i think is graphics which work with almost everyone are usually with humor or sarcasm. something serious does not work as well as the funny one. so when you make aircraft graphics for president, people love the concept which says political waste as graphic on the aircraft but they might not like something you spent 20 hours in front of photoshop trying to get the right graphics. FACT: graphic design is not easy. the difficult part is no constraints, more freedom you have, difficult it is to get things together. where as for us in product design it is much easy to work, wanna make things move? put a hinge or pivot. its like connecting the dots. and after you are done with connecting the dots your final picture looks good, you might even get rich. but that's a rare case. we shall never get 32 lakhs per year as starting salary..

And people are still confused if i am doing graphic design or product design. :\

Sunday, November 15, 2009

i-cuboid wallpapers

now get cuboid world to your desktop


-Inspire yourself


Saturday, November 14, 2009

Where will this design institute take us?

"boss this is not a college this is an institute" said the big daddy once in foundation. we wondered whats the difference? i googled. INSTITUTE is established, organized and founded. COLLEGE is A collection, body, or society of persons engaged in common pursuits, or having common duties and interests. OK so we are organised than others we are here as we have a goal in life. work keeps happening, one assignment after the other. what makes us different from any other colleges? MAEER's MIT Institute Of Design. long name. but we call it MIT design and on campus we are trouble making brats from design. trouble? we? no! we are as innocent as kids in gurukul who throw Marlboro boxes out of window of their hostel during inspections maybe. the blame comes on design. but its fine we have earned that reputation of victims. may it be walking on lawns or being teased by howling MANET guys. its all our fault. We ARE trouble makers after all. if we cant create problem then we will become the problem. and try to make sure everyone notices us. that might include going against the rules and wearing shorts to having huge afro over our head. We do it all. after all we are the trouble makers. We go out and we come late, we go for night outs without informing, we do everything we not supposed to do. including cribbing about the college, yes when we crib we call it a college, as it does not let you be like what you would be in a college. but people forget what big daddy has to say, "Boss its not a college, it's an institute for god's sake" he said it second time. he was angry this time.

So why suddenly think of where we going to end up after institute? well, 2 and half years over in this institute that's more than half the education. what i got in these years is lots, from insane ergonomic understanding to people who are scared to talk to me. friends to people who hate me. people who i spoke lots to same people i haven't spoken in days now. How do you manage this? well its a bi product of design. If you are planning to join design then one thing you should keep in mind. do not come with any expectations. designers aren't any god sent people, and neither is the brief given to us by the prof, said one of the big bosses in institute. rules are meant to be broken, said another, that is when you will innovate, said yet another, so go out and let go of yourself, said one another, look for problems and solve them said another, if you cant find problem redefine the situation, some said that. So we do that, we become the problem our self and we create problems. we break rules we innovate, we aren't god sent but we are all budding young designers who believe in one thing and one thing only innovation, we innovate we defy physics, we make things float, we break things to make new things and we do graffiti on things like aircraft for president of India. AND the best part of everything is we get grades for doing this. This is life in design institute. remember its an institute not a college. very few understand the difference. but it is important as being in college and being in an institute makes you look at everything very differently.

One prof said i should go for marketing, after reading this i think many would second that. but i wont know all this if i took my institute as college. what happens, happens for good. I shifted to design in this institute happened for good. lets hope for better after getting out of this institute.

i should have copy pasted the word institute, i would have saved time.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Doctors also have their own way of thinking.

earlier post was about two ways to solve a given problem, engineering and design approach. Then i met the third kind the "doctors".

Recent controversial insect bite/infection/allergy lead me to search of a skin specialist. searching for a skin specialist on a monday morning by not attending your class is not the best thing you can do. you step out and take bike and ride around and then you go the all the skin clinics you see. no doctor is there on monday morning. finally you call up one random doc looking at the clinic board and then she asks you to come in the evening. I asked a simple question is it ok to wait till evening? she asked how long it has been there. I answered 2 days she says then its ok.. if you survive 2 days youll survive few more hours. Impressive.. logical explanation. I went back home and reached the clinic at 17:00 as asked to. the clinic is closed. i thought to myself importance of time is losing its value. but thankfully in 10 minutes a sister arrives opens the clinic.. another 15 mins the doctor shows up. calls me inside. i know i have to pay 150 bucks to her so i know to extract all the info i can. I show it to her and give her my suggestions of what it can be. she listens carefully. then i ask her can it be chicken pox? she says have you ever had it before i say yes. she denies that chicken pox can happen again. i gave her the example of classmate, yet she said its impossible. I was like fine, ignorance is bliss. so i ask her what is that am suffering from? and there is a pause.
then she says.. it CAN be SOMETHING like a VIRAL INFECTION. I asked why does it come? she says there is NO EXPLANATION to that. it comes and goes. take these meds and it will be fine. she gave me one ointment for insect bites, one tab for allergy and one tab for infection. played it safe.

All i could infer from the incident is that doctors are very easy to manipulate. their diagnosis depends on your complaints. So you can manage to get whatever disease you want if you know how the doctor is going to think about your complaints. They have option A B and C. they see which ever you fit in the best you are that. basically you suffer from something that text book says you can suffer from. there are things which are not possible at all.. cancer wont be cured till the textbook says its curable, Chicken pox wont happen again if the textbook says it cant. So design approach is much more different from a doctors approach as the first thing designer will say if some one says not possible is why not? where as doctor has no explanation to things like these. there might be some doctors who might be good enough to think outside the books but its a general PATTERN observed in doctors. same is with the psychiatrist who does counselling to people. he knows only that side of you what you tell him. understanding these patterns is much easy once you are in design as you understand the systems and how they work so as to modify them according to your need. If i come along any new kind of thinking then i shall update this.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Stop, Check, Move on

Is this the same i-cuboid which it was yesterday? yes its the same address and same person writing just the new original identity of i cuboid. its fresh, its colorful and its awesome. everything is set just the problem is making the graphics is much more time consuming. Am sure there is a short cut which i shall know with time. please feel free to tell me what you feel of the identity. kind of excited to get the feedback. This language is in my portfolio too which is under construction and should be done in this week. Now back to cuboid life..

Recent talks with professor made things bit clear. no it wasnt the big boss talking this time.. it was someone people would not take as a great designer but what he spoke makes sense to me. it made things much more simple than what they were. He might be behind people to give their parallel projection sheets but it also has its importance in future when you look back on your life. Anyway, so according to the prof there are 2 types of approaching a problem.
1> Engineering Way
2> Design approach.
Whats the difference in these two approaches? engineering approach is something that is always constraint driven. living in the rule books. not stepping out of the theory. If mechanics says its not possible it is not possible. so you don't think about it. Design approach on other hand is something similar but yet different. same as here too we have to think with constraints in mind. gravity exist. things fall. things don't float in mid air BUT what designer has the freedom to do is add a detail to make it float. add a thin nylon string that wont be visible at certain distance that will make it float. Now if we approach a problem like make something float in engineering approach you'll end up using high energy consuming fans and blah blah to make it float. as one wont abstract the term float to a level where it appears to float and not actually float.

Other difference is that engineering mind solves problem in mind and removes the concept in mind itself before you put it on paper. this happens with me a lot. but if we try the design approach and doodle everything that's coming to mind which might be anything irrelevant or a strange concept which you feel wont work on paper. So if not there then in future when you try to solve some other problem you'll relate this to that and that is where innovation shall happen. design is about innovation the prof said. I was talking to myself, isn't it about invention? but then invention is next step to innovation. if one cant innovate how will he invent.
So when you working on a problem sketch it no matter what it is. STOP, take a look at it, CHECK if it will work, if not MOVE ON. This is not much different than what we do in real life without knowing. You take up something, you cant do good in it, you stop, check why not and then move on to new thing. You break up your relationship, you stop thinking about it for days till you think things are fine. then you check if the things are fine and then you move on. Moving on is essential. Else you shall end up in great trouble where things from past will haunt you forever. MOVE ON you. yes blog is a nice way to communicate to people who read it. others think its too much text and they skip. their fault, i write to get thought across.

There were lot of things i wanted to write about but they just left my mind. i always wonder if its a good thing or bad to have a mind that is so unstable which wanders off from one thought to other in seconds. whats left behind is confused thoughts of thousands of things and no conclusion but good thing is you can see patterns and then connect the dots to make sense in future. CONNECT THE DOTS. that will explain the smile on your face when you hold a chocolate drink close to you and talk to others after dinner. connect the dots and it will explain how your assignments makes sense. connect the dots they all fit in a cube. after all entire world is a cube.

OH! someone reached my blog searching for " which man thought world is a cube". destiny.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Blog Action Day 2009

Its about making a difference. they asked me to write about how the climate change affects my blog topic. i thought ill write how my topic, say design has its effect on climate change.

now if you see around us there are 2 types of things. Natural(which are there) and Man made (which weren't there). had a controversial conversation with friend and also a philosopher Mr. George Joseph, i claimed everything that is man made is designed. he refused. Gave examples of music and art. I agreed. So in man made things apart from emotions(not all) and art etc everything is designed. now do you know what we are talking about? we are talking of design as a term in general. where everything that man makes is designed. so design has its root deep in there. So everything man has made intentionally is basically designed in certain way. I don't need to emphasize on causes of global warming and climate change. Most of us know why its happening.(if you don't know then stop reading this and go google it and then come back). so by this line everyone reading knows that man has been using resources and thereby earth losing its balance in resources and then other things adding up and finally leading to global warming and climate change. So it is blamed completely on human that we misused the resources we had. true. we did. why? because we had to. Why did we have to? as things were made which required resources and which created bi-products. who made these things? man did. so these were the second category the man made things category. hence also the design category. so you see design has to do a lot with climate change.

If only we industrial designers knew what our products are going to result in future, or if we had the vision to know what is the result of our design, would world be a different place? well now we do know what we did was wrong. but how much of effort are we putting to make a change? some people are thinking of things like green design, while for others it is just a mere topic for making fancy posters to win over other entries in a poster competition organised by a local design foundation which probably thinks green design is making your logo and poster green in color and printing it over a flex which will last on earth of years to come unable to decompose or recycle itself.

A friend doing ecology was wondering to take it as her profession. i suggest, you don't need to be an environmentalist to make a difference. you just need to make sure what you do has minimum change in nature. No its not stopping one from progress its just about changing the definition of what real progress is.

Maybe i should change the font colour to green for them to understand.

Its not just United states that's causing pollution. its everyone. Think about it and at least be guilty when adding up to it. Someday you might just stop.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Title goes here, Gone..

This is going to be bad.
a) people are annoying.
b) everyone has things to prove.
c) They all use others.
d) Definitions are made by us to suit our mind set.
e) Definitions change from each person to person.
f) The more your definition revolves around yourself (me this me that) more annoying you get.
g) One cant look outside ones perspective.
h) some people do.. they are awesome.
i) These people are rare to find.. no am no where close to them.
j) this world rotates on axis of society. that drives the world, the motor of its rotation. fuel is everyone who is part of it.
k) why am i writing this? as i am annoyed, as i said people are annoying in point (a).

been thinking over somethings recently. something called dependency. how things are related to others.. its the symbiotic relationship between things.
i give you this you give me that. i give you comfort you give me tag as friend, i give you portfolio submission date you work for me and make your portfolio. You need a scanner, HP needs people to buy scanner. You need Photoshop to make portfolio, photoshop needs designers to work on it.

you are dependent on things.. you realize it when you lose things.. thats what i learnt long back then forgot then learnt again till i forgot again. its a cycle.. goes on.. things happen to keep you reminding what you think of things. some friends got kids to play with others got turtles to play with. you? you were left with work on your table next to a window at corridor, playing music and looking at people going away from you. you accept it. move on you say to yourself and start working. result? at least you know what work is to be done.. but then you just realize how dependent your life was getting on others.. and now you know it can be fixed. fix you, i was gonna put that song lyrics in between this post but then i refuse to. it just diverts you from what you wanna talk about. so what am i dependent on now? early morning coffee and singing same song at breakfast which will be playing in head for entire day later. Coffee keeps me going and am loyal to coffee. then am getting dependent on my laptop to do things, watch movies, listen to music etc. thanks to people a have stopped from being dependent on other habits.

Its all connected
When we are in situation we relate our self to movies. If am in a place with 7 feet tall grass around me i feel there are people with guns hiding behind it or some baby trex waiting to eat me up. we relate to movies and we need it as a part of us as if we not then they wont make movies. if they wont make movies you will never know of trex, you dont know of it and it might just be there one day to kill you. you should be prepared. hence movies prepare us for situation and we prepare situations for movies. that does make sense.. read again if it didnt.

how is this to do anything of those points? see.. people demand to know whats on your mind. they annoy you they want to know everything for sake of it or to judge you over it. there making you dependent on them and keeping the cycle moving. If you dont want to talk of something you are forced to.. why? cos i want to know as it has to do something with me. Go get a life. Everything has to do something with everyone. Why one feels they are so important that they can get away with no matter what they do. reality check, you are annoying, thats the truth, deal with it. (this might be bit personal but have to get it out.)

keep yourself out of dependencies and try to take over your own life. it will help you get you what you want from your life. and not others want. why am i giving this suggestion? as am not any different from those points i started with.

how it has to do anything with design? Design plays a big part in society. it stretches the soc to be what it is.. we product designers create products that one day you will look your workmate has and then you will want to get it. you will do things you wont do otherwise. your work mate got that product looking at someone else who had it who got it looking at a graphic in magazine made by a graphic designer who turns out to be product designers class mate who is competing with his work mates to get the best laptop his class mate product designer made.. its a cycle. its all connected. we are all dependent on something or other. Its the way society is and you have to be a part of it to know it better to create your place in it. design a product that will make difference to world they said. anything that is made does make a difference. depends on how my fellow graphic designers will put it forward.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

New Face Of Cube

The Shift in identity is coming. its time to change things. The best part is we have professional graphic designers doing it for us this time. This is the sign of change where you know what you good at and what you really meant to do, and getting help for rest. This makes it easy to focus on task you want to do while others help you with things that you once did like cuboid identity. everything is changing and its changing faster than usual this time. new cuboids coming in picture, old ones are gone. new friends, new entertainers with match sticks and new backlogs. model making is done and submitted. Its happening. The shift in everything around. which will lead to change in this cuboid and some people will love it and some wont. But it just happens without warning.
Not only this but there are new INSPIRATIONS. the white board in studio says "Dragonfly missing, New Inspiration Needed." now some will understand what i want to say, rest will be baah stupid. Its not for Them its for us who knows that times are changing. Last year in design learning is not far away. Things have to change and they are changing. Priorities are changing. She called me workaholic. i couldn't stop smiling on that as that is one thing no one has ever called me. No am not a workaholic. I like to work when i work but i don't work all the time.

Adding new people to the mailing list too so they get updates and then it will help them to know whats happening in this cube shaped world of mine.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


pl -ties
1. the most important thing that must be dealt with first
2. the right to be or go before others

rest is up to you to decide for yourself. You either go back to what you were doing or you analyse and change things so as to do what you are supposed to do. The problem to your not sketching might be due to thoughts of a person sitting miles away. all you need to do is search for patterns and link them to the cause. As i said in one of the earlier posts, the well stated problem is a solution in itself. If your priority is problem analysis then coming up with solution is not that difficult. The Process is about finding the "RIGHT" problems, set them as priorities and they shall be solved.

One thing I Love about MIT Institute Of Design Where I learn design is their philosophy behind the process. "Ensure karman, Leave Phalam" "follow the process right in action, the product will evolve by itself". its only when you go to roots of this philosophy you will understand that your life can be designed though you cant define the term "design" yourself.

George is "design" solving the right problems?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Randomness, result of joblessness...

"but why did you come in here then" -- Bharuch
"I Wanned to complain" -- Miki
"but i Have no money" -- Jackass
"yes you do" -- Mak
"hey jude, dont make it bad" --Mr. Bhandari
"acchha GG today at kaka's" into infinity ---][
"hu?" -- ][
"dude, you got moutheyes" ---bassist
"no you dont" --Mak
"acchhha marker se karu ya brush se" --Mallu
"no no no hold your head like this and go aaaaa" --Bharuch
"stop hitting me" --- Miki
"who wants to talk to you?" -- Bharuch

If that does not make sense then just laugh along.. as the graphic says not everything is done to make sense.. these things which wont make sense will make you laugh. Happiness lies in simple things, most of which wont even make sense.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


When was the last time something inspired you? Something made you jump out of your seat and say am gonna do this. Something that gave a hint of what could/should be done.

It happened today. After watching a movie, suddenly things started hinting. This is a sign to do this. or that's a hint to do that. Yesterday heard this, "man is drowning, a boat comes he says no god will save me, another boat comes he says no god will save me. he dies and questions god, why didn't you save me? god says i sent 2 boats you didn't get in." that was a 5 yr old joking in the movie but it made sense like i said, too many things happen at same time hinting to same thing in short time? take the hint. This has been happening all the time but well ignored as usual.

Let's go back in time... First semester in Design. You learnt isometry drawing. you understood what the professor actually wanted you to learn from the course. Start looking things in isometric grid. grid lines following everywhere.. like the transparency level of the actual world is suddenly reduced to 10% and you see the grid that defines the structure of the object. Increasing confidence in yourself. You know you can do something great but don't know what. till you pick up a dead dragonfly on the way to hostel. On the way back you look at it you don't see the dragonfly the way you see it usually. it has no mass, its just a wire frame in isometric grid. You smile. You just been inspired to do something amazing that will be spoken of for days to come and the thing that will save you in your juries to come. Yes i Sketched a dragonfly in isometry. and then human hand too. could have made human face too but then perspective course happened. but all i did was follow a hint given to me and it saved me.

Recently got one concept from someone. the concept which i thought of when i was a kid. It came back to me through someone else as a suggestion. now is it a hint as at this point i can actually put it on paper and make it happen? is it time to do something that can save me? save many other things? must be. I took the hint. will be working on it.

Swine flu is around. i planned many a things for past 2 weeks but nothing happened. I was supposed to meet people but i don't see that happening either. Things are just not working out. are these signs too? but if they are then to what? i shouldn't be doing what i was planning to? you never know..

Inference: Inspiration plays important role in Design. Great inventors have got their inspirations from random things. Ball pen we use was made by a sculptor and the human arm led to design of anglepoise lamp. I read this in a book: Art of Creative Thinking by John Adair. So there are inspirations all around us, we just need to see. oh i saw "August Rush" trailer today that says same thing about music, wait is this a sign too?

Saturday, August 8, 2009

swine flu

Being suspected with Swine flu is not the best thing that can happen to you, specially when there is freshers party you wanted to go for on Saturday,also marker rendering class on Sunday and a lecture by majesty on Monday. Then you wonder how did i land up in this mess? i don't even have any fever, what is wrong with people.

It all started on Friday morning, life in design institute. early morning i got up for breakfast and a brilliant welcome by a dish called POHA. i eat with people. person in front of me having a running nose. i think i got my infection then. later i go back and i don't feel too well.. the feeling before fever. i have my med, and i work. i just ask my mom to postpone the appointment with dentist and next thing i know is that am under house arrest with mask on my face. no i haven't done the test yet. swine flu test costs 18,000 bucks. ill be getting it done if i show more/any symptoms of swine flu. but that also means i am under house arrest till Monday for sure. that means i miss all those things i wanned to attend. all those once in a lifetime opportunity. anyway freshers must be going on right now. I am here writing my blog how i missed it. hope i have something better in store. Oh and you think you are the only one to whom shit happens?

Sunday, August 2, 2009


its time for change.
change in life change in dimension change in many things.
As lot of things that were are going, people leaving, thoughts are depressing, and yes times are changing.
you are there today, tomorrow you might not,
its not you that went away i pushed us apart.
i lost all my feelings, whatever i had,
dragonflies sometimes and then cuboids, all just fad.
but things kept me moving,
hoberman kept happening, time kept running, and people kept going.
You have become mean they claim,
Yes i am not the same.
I changed but so did you,
its just the changing time, nothing new.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Wish you were here

How? Why? What? all these questions been troubling since ages now. There aren't any answers to these things, you live life as it comes. that's what i said on sat, may 19Th 2007. yes that's couple of years back. am bad at remembering things how did i remember this? i found it in my other blog. was reading that blog and was thinking did anything ever change? i still make decisions and i still cant explain why i did so. yes i talk of everything.

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

been through a lot lately. and took major decisions and could not explain why! nothing new for me. but this time it involved someone else so it is much difficult to explain someone else than to convince yourself. But i did not have any logical explanation to defend myself. so i wrote long text which says yes i am running away from something, no i dont know what and its definitely not that. If someone asks "why?" I'll be, huh? who? you talk in to me?

And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

TRUTH: i miss them, the songs still remind me of them, but things not the same. they have lost all the trust and i have found myself again. the me i was years back. same thoughts, same behaviour, same goals, only one thing is different, they not here.

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.

I used to write poems, express my feelings through words, it was so me back then, my old blog is all me, one of them said. You said it and i am getting back there. if that explains anything.
Its on your mind all the time.. you cant get rid of these thoughts.. cant sleep, dont eat much anyway but eat even less, why? just trying to explain things. no, not to them but to yourself. you know you are right in your way. only if they would trust you with your decisions. decisions that says yes you need to be you, not happy you, but you. i wish i could change myself to what i want to be. have had long talks on how i cant, all in vain as our life is not controlled just by us. Who thinks otherwise go see movie "run lola run". why do we wish? why do we want something or other? not talking of materialistic things, those days are gone, thanks to friend and our aim. it worked for me to certain extent, he still wants a new bass. What i wish is different. i want me to be myself again!

What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

Wonders of design, forget who you are, forget everything. all that matters is today, how to live till you get to tomorrow. and then think of same things again!

Friday, June 26, 2009

bittersweet symphony

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,no,no,no,no,no(fading away)

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change it

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
Trying to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

You know I can't change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no

I can't change my mind
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
That you've ever been down
That you've ever been down

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

You've been AOEed...

Its all coming back. Those days in school where the ultimate aim of day was to win in age of empires. Now things are better as there is no one to say enough of games now study. This is perfect time to let yourself lose and figure out strategies to win in the game.


It started with playing in standard difficulty level.
When playing in this difficulty level things are simple. you play make villagers make army and you win.

Then is Moderate difficulty level where you struggle day and night to figure out ways to stop computer from destroying your city with his never stopping army. the trick is simple.. make lot of villagers and gather lot of food, advance to feudal age in 10 mins. and next age in next 10 mins.. this way you'll be in castle age in 20 mins.. this is where you start making army.. make monastary and collect relics before the computer player does.. it helps a lot.. keep your villager count high. advance to imperial with lot of army and then researches.. make sure you do everything before computer or just in a minutes gap max. else you'll be screwed. there wont be any time to lose.. once in imperial age, gather as much and make a huge army. defend for a bit once have strong army back it up with monks and get trebs and attack.. kill villagers(other players) and then proceed.. dont forget to explore as much as you can. this will do the trick.. game shall get over in 2 to 3 hours.

Then is the hard level. what you got to do is quiet the same only thing diff is much faster. How? more villagers, fast advance to castle age with min research and then huge army, huge meaning HUGE just to defend.. make cheap pike man to defend your city.. i chose Britons so made lots of archers.. and awesome long bowman which help a lot.. once in imperial age with all basic research complete to make your archers strongest and your pike man sustainable attack! dont forget the trebs.. they very helpful against the castles and town centres. if its a sea map make a navy but later when land is dominated by you..

Hardest level, well i havent reached that yet, but will add as soon as i do..

nice game, been playing this now day and night for a week, dream of pikemans and archers in sleep. its perfectly normal. you can apply it to your life maybe by understanding how to survive in real life when every resource might be people around you or emotions. whatever it is dont forget one thing.. PLAY!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Lets go back in time...

Year of 2002. first year in pune. yes it sounds like "previously on heroes" but it has to have same effect. (after all its all for those who love to read.). Well back to 2002.. just out of 10th to my uncles place in pune, got into SV union, a jr college about which no one has ever heard about.. well its a good start. if you come from diff place and you get into big shot place you take more time to get used to it.. so i dont regret SVU and its the place where i had time of my life.. next 2 years i became most of me what i am today. this is where i understood people. How to get into other people's head and look for pattern(pattern is word i learnt in design someday i shall write about its beauty). patterns reveal everything. you classify people in categories and you know your compatibility with all of them. this is where i met Sourabh. now why am i talking about him in my blog? I met him the other day.. it was random meeting, on facebook chat.. "where are you. home.. oh me too.. great we both in pune lets meet.. am leavin for banglore tomorrow.. lets meet tonight .. now.. its 9 lets meet at 10.15.. oh i mean 2215.. over and out." that's how we met..

There is no one who knows me as good as this guy. before i think of anything he would know what i could think of.. oh and its the same way for me knowing him too.. but i cant keep up with his wild imagination which i truly respect. So back to 2002, when i i met this guy. he was one i never talked to.. never even looked fwd to talk to.. and speaking the truth my first impression was really diff for him.. but then he somehow took initiative to know me.. and then i met the true him, the legend i may say..

and by 2003-04 we were like really good friends as we are even today. we re wrote the English poems in our own perverted way yet making it sound so clean. we sat in corner and entertained the class with beatboxing and making sounds of racing cars in lectures. we ate in lectures we talked in lectures and we got caught cheating in chem papers from each others, flunking him for the first time in life and someone else cause of me for first time in my life.. yes it was me copying. chemistry is not my domain. bio was, but he skipped bio and took geography. Later on he scored the highest in chemistry from our batch. i think he was one of top 3 in our class in total and i managed to just clear my math somehow.. These 2 years were the years of my thought development. I wanned to know the meaning for my life. like what i wanned to do in life.. my purpose. which never happened as when you think too much you end up knowing nothing. the more you know the more you know that less you know. is that confusing? well its a part of our(mine and sourabh's) theory of kind of people. according to us there were 4 kind of people.
1) they know that they know
2)they know that they dont know
3)they dont know that they know
4)they dont know that they dont know.

we have spent hours and hours thinking on this and trying to tell it to others. but the result was obvious we were called as freaks. we liked it, we liked bugging people with our theory. this was not the only theory we made, there were other about idiots and those who pretend to be idots, droplet theory, fag limit theory.. we both had our way of putting life in (what i learnt later) patterns. and analyse it and then implement it. this is where we realised that we talk of lot of things but we do things which we dont talk of.. we called it the human behaviour.

when i met him the other day we both got so excited about doing something, anything what so ever. we still dont know what we goin to do but we already love it as we know its gonna be us and we gonna do it. but again we talk of it. but we dont know what it is going to be so there are chances of its happening.
Day before meeting him i was involved in a 'secret' meeting (without any other option) there i was talkin to couple of guys about this 'secret' thing. and they needed my help with that. but then i kind of figured that it was mostly fake and it was put in front of me with strange seriousness. but i dont blame them, people who 'know' me would know if you want me to help say the truth i might just help. yes farid if you would have said you wanned to go pick your girl from hostel and not to go to atm to get money i might have given you my bike. but people think if its not serious issue then i might not help.. well i appreciate the truth. But then it(the 'secret') also reminded me of myself when i was looking for meaning of life.. that was the time before i wished i was dead every night. so i did not help them and tried to warn them but its not in someones hand to change others thought. They'll learn it the hard way. human mind is awesome thing. you might simplify everything in life in fraction of seconds but yet when you got to do math with numbers you suck at it. Life teaches you lessons in its own way. Two many clues to past life of same time period. what does that mean? No matter what it means it did remind me of the years when life was different and it was changing.
If i try and remember, i dont remember much about my thoughts and life before 2002. maybe i was born again in 2002. (and you dont smile tht does not make me '7' year old).

This is all about 2 years didnt even tell about how it actually changed my life, but its already too long and too late at night. so maybe some other day if it comes up.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

5TH Sem comes, are we half designers already?

It all started when i realized that the time is gone and am left behind. when i realized that it was too late, the juries were overhead and i had no work to save my ass. Will i flunk? i asked everyone. they said no you wont. yes i even asked kaka, i was that scared. why? only one reason. havent worked the way i should have. everyone has their own bench marks they look forward to. you strive to get those goals. this sem my goal was to pass.. that is kind of sad. in jury feed back they say i should strive for perfection. Perfection, Feedback, Jury. Yes its over and i they said what i thought they would say. I was prepared for this. but i wasnt prepared for anything worse, i would die.

Lay beside me, tell me what they've done
Speak the words I want to hear, to make my demons run
The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true
If you can understand the me, than I can understand the you.

"kya miyan aaj raat ko board set up kar do kal tension nahi" said he. It struck me shit its tomorrow, Jury is TOMORROW. one sem is gone, what did i do? Shit am dead already, aint I?
i mount everything and at night 11PM i tell her ill talk to you later, i need to put my work on board. i go and put 8 sheets of varying sizes on board in well composed manner and say is that it? thats all the work i can put on board? convinced that am dead. i return to hostel. 3 things on my mind, go through all the work i have, shave, bathe. damn mind is amazing tool, it thinks of randomest things when you in tension.

Lay beside me, under wicked sky
Through black of day, dark of night, we share this pair of lives
The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through
Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining

I switch on my laptop, and open the jury folder i made couple of days earlier. i open the display and control folder and go through the presentation. things start coming back to me. oh i did this, to change this, and this to make it like this, LIGHTNING STRIKES. I know my work, i know what i learnt from the assignments, i know what controls are used for what, i know of grips, i know of ergonomics, haha bring it on bitch i said. People shouting at back, shit Barca scored in champions final against Man U. sucks, but i had greater worries on mind. But bit relaxed, now they cant throw me out of institute, i wont flunk.. why? as i know my work, that is what matters. Lets Sleep and get up early and do next 2 things, thats shave and bathe.

Lay beside me, tell me what I've done
The door is closed, so are your eyes
But now I see the sun, now I see the sun
Yes now I see it!

Morning was like any other jury morning. same white shirt, blue jeans, shoes and clean shaved face. when yours is the first jury it lasts the longest. usually faculty comes along with external, but here the case was different. the external came first and sat. i start talkin to her, telling her about the courses we had.. then faculty came one by one and it all started before i knew it. Your circle is not circle she said, i could see its not. why? i had no explanation. was it supposed to be a circle? yes it was.. it started with that.. people thought am dead. i knew i am waking up. i can see my mistakes and i can improve on them next sem. he said i say that all the sems and never improve and this is last time he saying it as he is gonna give up hopes and leave me to my fate then. scared i was is it too late? i asked. its never too late he said. i was determined to work harder. At end i started with display and control, they liked it. they liked the interfaces i made. sign was clear when you put in effort in something it shows. you should do graphic design she said. reminds me of 2nd jury when i was confused what to do. but then it got over. i have to improve on my studio skills and implement it on next sem assignments. yes, this time am doin it for sure. already started. focus is back, after all this is what is gonna make me a designer. am already running behind schedule. 2 years gone and i still need to improve my studio skills. hmm time to take this seriously.

Oh what I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
(So I dub thee unforgiven)
Never free
Never me
'Cause you're unforgiven too!

Oh! and you, you need to do film and video as you click good snaps. try and find the true meaning. they want us to show same output in what we doin.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Hidden Connections

If you have read the earlier post it talk of questions i asked myself.. i thought its time to see whats going wrong. is it me or is it you, everyone else? people around are acting strange. they are retards they have started believing that. Once what was good is now bad. Once who were close are no where to be seen around. Those late night talks and those philosophical thoughts shared with friend on lawns at midnight, i miss them all. is it me to be blamed or is it them? lets blame the situation, i like it that way. so now that we have a choice of blaming someone/something its easy to run away.. Yes this is my exit plan. PLAN. are there any plans? i did plan on somethings which i did not follow. related to work, related to life... it all goes in the same place, no where. no where with a space in between so its not taken as now here.. lame? yes it is lame.. that is how life is right now. DULL as i told her. nothing happening in life that gives a motive to go on.. no inspirations.. NONE at all.

Why is it like that you wanned to do something and then you lose the focus? lose the focus? maybe no but it goes somewhere deep or somewhere away from you.. you need something to keep reminding you what is your life meant to be. SOMETHING not someone. If someone keeps telling you same thing again and again you tend to lose your interest even more.. you might starting hating that person. who do we hate and why? unsolved answers of my life.. Anyone's life..

Change is meant to happen. you cant change the change.. but i used to be prepared for it.. i lost myself then i lost new myself again.. i changed.. i changed again. it all started when i joined this MIT Institute Of Design. First sem was different, Second sem i realize i want to do this, Third sem was confident. 4th sem about to be over and where am i? i dont know what i wanned to do in life.. it was going good.. i Worked.. I worked on Time in 3rd sem, then what went wrong in 4th sem? is it some sort of overconfidence creeping in that nothing can go wrong? but i can see things going wrong. I cant think the way i could think earlier, The concepts are not the same. The urge to Innovate has faded. is it that i got what i wanned or i have given hope for it. i never knew what i wanned.. did i? now with 2 weeks for jury i know i have nothing to save me.. nothing to stand out from other similar creatures learning design around me.. am i even learning any more? the problem identification capacity is at its ultimate low.. recession hits learning process.. PROCESS the Process is not as unbelievable as it was.. SHIT! things did change.. is there any way out? dont know yet.. but if there is then am gonna be better in next sem, that is if i make it. People say they wont throw out people this sem. i doubt. but then even if they dont am i living to my own expectations? Expectations, i expect a lot and am dont like people to expect anything from me. Ignorance, I should be living to my own expectations before i complain..

Live your life to Know you are doing what you wanted to do and not because you had to..
One step closer to myself. It shall go on..

Sunday, April 12, 2009

dis con nect ed

long since i wrote? it feels like that.. but then there are other things keepin me busy.

reality check anyone?
time left to jury = 1 month
time left for Form studies to get over = 5 days
time left for summer break = 1 month
time left for display and control to start = 5 days
time left to complete all backlogs = 1 month
time when all backlogs should actually get over by = 5 days
number of backlogs = dont know
what is to be shown in jury = dont know
what you learn in this sem = umm dont know?
what did you do in this sem = a lot? like lot?
how much of is it related to design = dont know not much
will you be able to complete the assignments = dont know
any thing to show in jury apart from assignments = no
who is gonna take your jury = dont know
does it matter = yes it does
what should you be doin right now = workin on forms
when are you going to start doing that = dont know
do you think you are going the right way = umm dont know
do you even care for all this = yes i do
are you sure of it = no
are you happy = yes
are you serious you happy = yes
how can you be happy with all those things = dont know i just am
so you really think you gonna complete the things before jury = well yeah thats what i do every time
so lets get to work? = no not now
how lazy are you = a lot
are you proud of this = noooo ok i dont know
why you even writing this = to keep reminding myself
you think this is gonna help = no
so you wanna stop = maybe

that smile is for you.. yes you i know you reading.. haha!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

And suddenly it was awesome to be alive.

This is the time to be happy. Yes you, both of you people who think they gonna die alone be happy, someday youll be with someone and its gonna be worth waiting. Trust me it is gonna be good. good enough to be happy now. Its awesome to be happy. suddenly you start realising so many things. people around you are annoying but you dont care. instead you freak them by doin something stupid. they complain, they talk amongst themselves and they write things to each other and you sit there and watch and then you type sms to someone you should, what a life. you get out of there go to prof. what ever he says makes sense, he shows great designers work and says we need to have identity like them through our work and you think to yourself he is not as bad as people complain, why do people complain? balls as if i care, they dont see the booty(beauty misspelled) in life. sssaloni ssseee the booty. haha.

you get out and go have ganne ka juice with dear ones and then you have more ganne ka juice, you used to love ganne ka juice earlier, dont worry youll love it more now. you talk of things and you feel good. feel good inc. you come back to go to canteen and then you see the **rathi gang there.. haha did they always eat so much and make so much noise? they probably did but now we can look out and hear more. ek rasna 8 rupiya, you gotta be kiddin me, ek wada pav dedo bhayya. and you leave with wada pav in hand which you finish by the time you reach first floor and then you decide to go to workshop.. why? just to get a glimpse of what people are doin, are they workin on model makin? you go and first person you see and you go haaaaaaaaaa, that made my day even better, anyway then you remind yourself no you cant do that, but why cant i? yes i cant.. baah.. anyway and then you get out of there as soon as possible and you reach hostel where you kill mosquitoes at rate of 2 per min. 
Oh all this time you are msging the loved ones. i guess that's the driving force that keeps you going. keeps telling you things not that bad. everything is good. and everything is happy and fun.
things happened and we met, things happened for good.

Saturday, March 21, 2009


You are sitting in from of your laptop thinking that the entire day lies in front of you and then there is nothing to do. Something we will do for sure, sketch maybe? so you take out your sketch book and sit with a pen in your hand and suddenly you get SMS which asks for a movie story. WOW! i wanted to make movie. Yes i always wanted to make some movies, so i used to look at world in way i would see a movie. you may call it as the result of watching too many movies. but then every day every scene had its sound effects and its own sound track.

Songs change with time, but then the thought of movie made me think of the theme which i always loved. one person listening to music, smokin up, suddenly goes into his trance mode where all his brain cells are on strike and they are enjoying their asses off. they hold a woodstock in his mind. and as the person goes and talks to others something triggers a song which is performed by the band in the woodstock in head. and then his reaction to world with loud music playing in his head.. that was movie where thinks linked to each other, like today this thought of movie came after many years linked by a msg sent to me whom i havent known for more than few weeks.. LIfe LInks... 'L'ame. 

so i sat and thought lets make a poster for this movie i started off with something in mind, Lemme remind you Photoshop is an amazing tool. one thing led to other and then other like linked again and then finally after putting effort for whole day the poster was made which is uploaded in this post. BRAINSTOCK. the logo of woodstock is used and also there is lil guitarist performing on stage which is neuron. 

That is how day went and work happened after long week of DRY PASTELS, but lets not talk of dry pastels again. so work makes me happy and it showed linkages so i can link work to happiness. LINKAGES awesome.


Smile you everything is linked to other thing try and see..

Sunday, March 1, 2009

It's All Past Now.

Gone are the days of working day and night for something that everyone would enjoy. The tension on mind of things going wrong, learning experience , politics, people hating each other, people bitching, you attain nirvana, mental calm, all gone. At end what is left is some awesome memory and satisfaction. New people you get to know, some say Quasar was awesome other said you need to make decisions for yourself and some said you looking nice. hmm compliments, thank you all. It all helps.

in our headlights, staring, bleak, beer cans, deer's eyes
on the asphalt underneath, our crushed plans and my lies
lonely street signs, power lines, they keep on flashing, flashing by

There are bad times and there are good times.. Thats life i guess. but in quasar there is only one thing do what ever you are supposed to do.. may it be lifting water dispensers thats 30 kg up to 2nd floor or may it be solving ego issues, anything you come across you do it with dedication. then there are legends like Rahul Minda, jai ho minda. he is awesome.. anything you tell him he'll do it.. logistic master, his only worry people treat logistic as whores, but they arent paid are they? no one is paid.. so day time i was core committee(so called) and at night i was logistics. it awesome amount of physical work. i was surprised to see myself stretching my physical limits. may it be lifting tables or stools or even putting flex on the pillars so other people can paint over it and call it wallnuts the graffiti event. i loved the pain of logistics. endless nights

and we keep driving into the night
it's a late goodbye, such a late goodbye
and we keep driving into the night
it's a late goodbye

one thing i did not like of logistics is the breaks we took, you stop workin in mid way and then you dont feel like starting again. not just cos you lose momentum but then you realize what all body parts are hurting, which is not too good. but then there are good times like winning Car-o-gated and cultural where everyone praises you.. so lets stop here and have happy ending.. Quasar taught me a lot, new people new friends, new hopes, awesome i love it. all worth it!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Coming Back to Life

We saw patterns, we saw cubes. We saw cuboids and we saw life. then slowly our life went away from us. We gave up. we accepted we are sad, we did not try to search for the cause of sadness till we came across the course of system thinking. Yes design courses talk of life and philosophy. they teach you morals and they try to make sure you make world a better place to live in.

Where were you when I was burned and broken

While the days slipped by from my window watching.

Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless

Because the things you say and the things you do surround me.

System is a set of interacting or interdependent entities, real or abstract, forming an integrated whole. So when talking of ones life the system is the individual and his surroundings are the environment, this is the basic you need to know, as henceforth everything referred as system should not be misunderstood for anything else. So system is closed or open. knowing that most of the systems are open as external factors affect them. Same is the case with ones life. We are influenced by a trillion things, even more if i knew what to say as trillion sounds cool i said trillion. small things affect your life, may it be a small emotion, or a small external stimuli like touch, it can collapse the entire system or it can change it by increasing its strength.

While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words

Dying to believe in what you heard

I was staring straight into the shining sun.

Lost in thought and lost in time

While the seeds of live and the seeds of change were planted.

Change is seen every where, why does everything change? trust me if the process is followed properly you can answer the most difficult questions like why, when, how etc. Don't be active thinkers be proactive said the master of thoughts. he explained further. If there is a problem don't solve the problem, instead go to the root and remove it from the roots. remove the cause of the problem to be more specific.

Outside the rain fell dark and slow

While I pondered on this dangerous but

I took a heavenly ride through one silence

I knew the moment had arrived

For killing the past and coming back to life.

To give examples lets say you feel sad, don't sit and waste time, don't drink, don't start smoking, don't be depressed, instead see why are you sad? analyse yourself and not only yourself (that's the system here) but also the environment. you will slowly see patterns, patterns are the most wonderful thing you can see when you analyse, they are life savers. every thing is crystal clear then. you know where the problem is and bang you solved the cause. [If i havent mentioned earlier then "A well stated problem is a solution in itself" -Prof. Dhimant Panchal, Legend]. this is how system works, it gets you back to your life and time once gone is past so you change system change and environment changes, everything is set to better. ROLE OF DESIGNER IN BETTERMENT OF SOCIETY. think of systems and look for patterns life will be simple and you will be happy. Yes i am happy too.

I took a heavenly ride trough our silence

I knew the waiting had begin

And headed straight... into the shining sun.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Get Busy, Get Better.

As mentioned earlier, get busy living or get busy dying. World might be a cube but its faces aren't that flat. everybody has a problem, everyone has issues, everyone is pissed, everyone is talking.

ISSUES. I have issues, you have issues, we have issues, they have issues and big daddy also has issues. yes big daddy is back and loud. So back on issues, what are these issues? mostly misunderstanding between few people. may it be protest or people sleeping in hostel, its an issue which has to be sorted in a meeting which has few hundred students and say twenty faculty members face to face. who says size matters? trust me its for movies like Godzilla, here voice matters. Person with microphone is going to win. I knew that before entering the room and saw it happen. Industrial design people have issue in paying the material charges yes me too, but then we have a point. Anyway where there is an issue there is a meeting, yes the phrases are changing, next generation is going to be awesome. evolved creatures. coming back to meetings, being in most of committees its my duty to be in most of the meeting. Yes you have to cancel your plans for all these meetings. so much for excitement to go to contraptions. tomorrow is mega structures and i doubt i can make it there. reason? yes meetings. they turning me into a businessman more than into a designer.

I need my suit...

oh submissions due on Saturday lots of them and as understood i dont think i am working on any. asking why? meetings. Everything leads to a meeting. why is my name rohan? probably was decided in a meeting. don't say i know am losing it.

One thing i like of these meetings is that they keep me busy. and more busy i am less time to think of anything else, less time to be depressed and friends think the same. Stress plays huge role in design. everyone is stressed everyone has problems, if not everyone creates problem to be busy.

I am trying to make a screwdriver to keep me busy in hostel. as i said get busy get better.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Check Check. What went wrong?

Things went wrong, we all know that. Something that ate me from inside. Something that affected my life. Something that made me lose track of whats happening. Changed me into something no one want me to be and something even i don't want to be. But what is it that made me change? there has to be something.

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day

Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this Can t be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he 's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now, I can't think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death Greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye

Fade To Black-- Metallica

Saturday, January 24, 2009

They gonna fail us. but we worked for others.

Hmm. so you did not study for your course because you been workin for something called quasar? wtf is this quasar? why is this quasar? why am I doin all the work? baaaah!

Yeh dil pighla ke saaz bana loon,
dhadkan ko awaz bana loon,
smoking smoking nikle re dhooan.

Everyday same things same issues and same people but with same scene with no work. people dont work for quasar and you dont work for assignments. many come and say they gonna help you many come and say its time to make this happen and others dont bother.. oh there are few who say you people not workin enough. phew!

Seene mein jalti hai armanon ki arthi,
Arrey what to tell you darling kya hua.

Slog slog slog, thats what you do and then you realise its not at all enough.. you need more people to work but you dont know what work to hand out to whom.. Sponsors name come in big names and big dreams but nothing happens and then you are at block one..

Arrey sapne dekhe jannat ke,
par mitti mein mil jaen,
phooken re ghar baar ki duniya..
ko bole good bye..
Chad jae haye Allah,
jisko bhi yeh bukhaar.

Every night is quasar night and everyday is quasar day. we play quasar quasar with each other. all we talk is minda kidhar hai, saraf idhar aa, praneti tu phone laga, class ke maa ki.. aye tuh majaak mat kar.. QUASAR! yeh kya hota hai?
I think we all are going crazy. its not less than any asylum to live in when you handle one event like this but what went wrong? others do handle bigger event... hmm maybe we taking everything too seriously.

Tauba Tera Jalwa, Tauba tera pyar,
Tera Emosanal Attyachaar!
Tauba Tera Jalwa, Tauba tera pyar,
Tera Emosanal Attyachaar!

But if i dont then who will? your momma? or mine? and why am i talking like this?? told ya goin crazy! cant help it.. few of them already have given in.
Lets not talk quasar.
Republic day coming up, planning to do some patriotic graphics. so i think thats enough for this post, i have time so lets do something NON QUASAR!

Tauba Tera Jalwa, Tauba tera pyar,

Tera Emosanal Attyachaar!
Tauba Tera Jalwa, Tauba tera pyar,
Tera Emosanal Attyachaar!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Do not care, Cost-cutting in life.

Make plans and follow them. weekend is also packed and then you make huge changes to make things happen. Yes, lot of changes. You try and make things happen so as others wont feel bad. But others dont want them to happen now. you wonder why and then understand the problem faced by others.

Thought that everything was perfect

Isn't that how it's supposed to be?

Thought you thought that I was worth it

Now I think a little differently

You accept the fact that things wont happen according to plan so you decide to carry on and finish other things fast. But then you get to know that your accepting the fact is because you dont care. That hurts. O think thats meant to hurt. But not to think over things as they remind us of pills you go out for ride. You dont like the breeze hitting your face today. It makes tears roll down your eyes, Stupid wind thinks you should cry, you wipe your face with one hand and other holding the accelerator on full just to realise that wind wasnt that smart you are stupid. You dont stop you go, on and on. then you think lets divert mind so you go and shop. shopping biscuits isn't fun, specially when you pick one pack and ten fall. this happens over and over again. you are scared of whats happening.

There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain

An ounce of peace is all I want.

You get out of there and get back to riding when they call and tell you they want you to come back. you refuse and go on and on. till the road comes to an end. you come back and you see them standing there as if waiting for you. Hope you seek and they ask whats wrong with you why would you behave like this. Blackness shoots in you and you walk off...

you tell them you think i dont care? wait i will show you what it is not to care. you start to ignore and thats when you realise what they always say. there is no place for goodness in todays world.

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

RUN, else they'll spell you as Quboid.

The fest is here. In a month the BIG Q word is coming. and right now its time to point fingers at each other asking reasons and logic. if you cant answer then make something up else daddy does not like. dictators have given up. and diplomats are making their way in. but then the fest is supposed to be fun. yes it is fun to see yourself work day and night on something that kills you. you are about to sleep, you change and get into your bed after hours and hours of work on the Q, you tell your friend how tired you are and suddenly door opens and someone shouts SOS we need people for making pretty looking things. yes, the Q has its own beauty. it made many drink other smoke and some got slapped and some danced. You curse the guy and get out of your bed and take out your Q notebook(how cool) and tell him the possibilities. He says they wont work. Bah! time to get out of the bed at 2 AM. you go out, look for captain mind and tell him these people need to work. you take them all and go to guy with problem and then the guy says we dont want so many people. its better if i do it on own. Whate fun! anyway you make sure they work then and then you look at watch its 4.30 in morning. time for everyone to sleep now. i go to bed and sleep within few seconds. SARAF MEETING WITH JUNIORS. its morning and you are supposed to be at meeting with juniors and so you jump out of the bed reach for your toothbrush, brush your teeth while changing into your jeans which you been wearing for past month now and you run to institute thinking rest of the things i ll do once am back. the meeting goes on and gets over in 30 mins. wow that was fast and now can i go to hostel? no i cant. we need sponsors.. baah
When you have time you get busy living or you get busy dying.
i chose to die.

Day went by and we made lists of sponsors and lots more.. lists are part of life. Starts with Quasar list and will end as backlog list. Oh! there is a grade list also in between which hangs proudly on the notice brd of class. shows a C+ in front of my name. thats the jury grade. and yes also the design process grade.. so much for grinding pepper i thought but then its OK, shit happens . rest the grades looks decent for this cuboid.
Back to Quasar the Q word, the day goes in lists meetings and more meetings. shouting at people, taking crap from people wanting to go home and being unable to leave the institute. and there are dumb lookin un-enthusiastic juniors. how nice of them their existence is mere formality in putting up the fest. oh there is a presentation to be made for Monday on materials. DAMN !
dont even ask about the material class its theory and it is important.. very important. i already have thousands of pages to read and no time. test is going to test many things apart from materials. i think its time for presentation. the showdown.


Sunday, January 11, 2009

Silence must be heard let noise be ignored.

Mornings, god i hate them. Not because its a start of new day but more coz its the time when i cant tolerate people giving me all sort of crap. It starts with heavy firing for some thing which you have nothing to do, say like if the stupid oh or in common term 'idiot' television shows a blank blue screen with text on top which reads no signal. Now what can i do about a situation like this i try and explain them. Its not me, am innocent. i didn't put off the signal. yes i try and say that. Then people cry for not helping them. i give up. CAUTION: MY TEMPER LOSING ITS BALANCE. Control i tell myself. So i make way to other room take my laptop and start it. It starts and then restarts and then shuts down. saying unexpected error. my ass. anyway it starts later. i open my mail account and people want my my laptop as they cant yet solve the television issue(not that they can do anything about it but to realize its not their problem). Then they see me working on my laptop so they them self offer to use the other laptop on the table.

The war is about to start. people with heart problems advised to leave right away.

Q: how do i start 'this thing'?

A: there must be a power button press that.

the user finds out there are two switches on the laptop and presses one to see the laptop starting. As soon as the screen shows text the user presses the same switch and claims that the laptop shut by itself (yes i saw them doin it). I say you pressed it again so it got switched off. "NO i didnt press anything" they said. Now am about to explode.

then many worse things happened which i wanned to write about but now i've calmed down and i think there is no point in thinking about the bad times and then making rest of the day bad..

Santosh, see this is where writing helps.

and so i listen to songs..

Silence must be heard -Enigma

Look into the others eyes, many frustrations

Read between the lines, no words just vibrations

Dont ignore hidden desires

Pay attention, youre playing with fire

Silence must be heard, noise should be observed

The time has come to learn, that silence ...

Silence must be heard

Or diamonds will burn, friendly cards will turn

Cause silence has the right to be heard

Thus is the morning when am supposed to be institute and working while am here miles away and writing blog to understand what went wrong. Oh they want to get me help, some pills maybe in future, who cares if that what it takes to be happy.