Thursday, January 29, 2009

Get Busy, Get Better.

As mentioned earlier, get busy living or get busy dying. World might be a cube but its faces aren't that flat. everybody has a problem, everyone has issues, everyone is pissed, everyone is talking.

ISSUES. I have issues, you have issues, we have issues, they have issues and big daddy also has issues. yes big daddy is back and loud. So back on issues, what are these issues? mostly misunderstanding between few people. may it be protest or people sleeping in hostel, its an issue which has to be sorted in a meeting which has few hundred students and say twenty faculty members face to face. who says size matters? trust me its for movies like Godzilla, here voice matters. Person with microphone is going to win. I knew that before entering the room and saw it happen. Industrial design people have issue in paying the material charges yes me too, but then we have a point. Anyway where there is an issue there is a meeting, yes the phrases are changing, next generation is going to be awesome. evolved creatures. coming back to meetings, being in most of committees its my duty to be in most of the meeting. Yes you have to cancel your plans for all these meetings. so much for excitement to go to contraptions. tomorrow is mega structures and i doubt i can make it there. reason? yes meetings. they turning me into a businessman more than into a designer.

I need my suit...

oh submissions due on Saturday lots of them and as understood i dont think i am working on any. asking why? meetings. Everything leads to a meeting. why is my name rohan? probably was decided in a meeting. don't say i know am losing it.

One thing i like of these meetings is that they keep me busy. and more busy i am less time to think of anything else, less time to be depressed and friends think the same. Stress plays huge role in design. everyone is stressed everyone has problems, if not everyone creates problem to be busy.

I am trying to make a screwdriver to keep me busy in hostel. as i said get busy get better.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Check Check. What went wrong?

Things went wrong, we all know that. Something that ate me from inside. Something that affected my life. Something that made me lose track of whats happening. Changed me into something no one want me to be and something even i don't want to be. But what is it that made me change? there has to be something.

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day

Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this Can t be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he 's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now, I can't think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death Greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye

Fade To Black-- Metallica

Saturday, January 24, 2009

They gonna fail us. but we worked for others.

Hmm. so you did not study for your course because you been workin for something called quasar? wtf is this quasar? why is this quasar? why am I doin all the work? baaaah!

Yeh dil pighla ke saaz bana loon,
dhadkan ko awaz bana loon,
smoking smoking nikle re dhooan.

Everyday same things same issues and same people but with same scene with no work. people dont work for quasar and you dont work for assignments. many come and say they gonna help you many come and say its time to make this happen and others dont bother.. oh there are few who say you people not workin enough. phew!

Seene mein jalti hai armanon ki arthi,
Arrey what to tell you darling kya hua.

Slog slog slog, thats what you do and then you realise its not at all enough.. you need more people to work but you dont know what work to hand out to whom.. Sponsors name come in big names and big dreams but nothing happens and then you are at block one..

Arrey sapne dekhe jannat ke,
par mitti mein mil jaen,
phooken re ghar baar ki duniya..
ko bole good bye..
Chad jae haye Allah,
jisko bhi yeh bukhaar.

Every night is quasar night and everyday is quasar day. we play quasar quasar with each other. all we talk is minda kidhar hai, saraf idhar aa, praneti tu phone laga, class ke maa ki.. aye tuh majaak mat kar.. QUASAR! yeh kya hota hai?
I think we all are going crazy. its not less than any asylum to live in when you handle one event like this but what went wrong? others do handle bigger event... hmm maybe we taking everything too seriously.

Tauba Tera Jalwa, Tauba tera pyar,
Tera Emosanal Attyachaar!
Tauba Tera Jalwa, Tauba tera pyar,
Tera Emosanal Attyachaar!

But if i dont then who will? your momma? or mine? and why am i talking like this?? told ya goin crazy! cant help it.. few of them already have given in.
Lets not talk quasar.
Republic day coming up, planning to do some patriotic graphics. so i think thats enough for this post, i have time so lets do something NON QUASAR!

Tauba Tera Jalwa, Tauba tera pyar,

Tera Emosanal Attyachaar!
Tauba Tera Jalwa, Tauba tera pyar,
Tera Emosanal Attyachaar!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Do not care, Cost-cutting in life.

Make plans and follow them. weekend is also packed and then you make huge changes to make things happen. Yes, lot of changes. You try and make things happen so as others wont feel bad. But others dont want them to happen now. you wonder why and then understand the problem faced by others.

Thought that everything was perfect

Isn't that how it's supposed to be?

Thought you thought that I was worth it

Now I think a little differently

You accept the fact that things wont happen according to plan so you decide to carry on and finish other things fast. But then you get to know that your accepting the fact is because you dont care. That hurts. O think thats meant to hurt. But not to think over things as they remind us of pills you go out for ride. You dont like the breeze hitting your face today. It makes tears roll down your eyes, Stupid wind thinks you should cry, you wipe your face with one hand and other holding the accelerator on full just to realise that wind wasnt that smart you are stupid. You dont stop you go, on and on. then you think lets divert mind so you go and shop. shopping biscuits isn't fun, specially when you pick one pack and ten fall. this happens over and over again. you are scared of whats happening.

There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain

An ounce of peace is all I want.

You get out of there and get back to riding when they call and tell you they want you to come back. you refuse and go on and on. till the road comes to an end. you come back and you see them standing there as if waiting for you. Hope you seek and they ask whats wrong with you why would you behave like this. Blackness shoots in you and you walk off...

you tell them you think i dont care? wait i will show you what it is not to care. you start to ignore and thats when you realise what they always say. there is no place for goodness in todays world.

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

RUN, else they'll spell you as Quboid.

The fest is here. In a month the BIG Q word is coming. and right now its time to point fingers at each other asking reasons and logic. if you cant answer then make something up else daddy does not like. dictators have given up. and diplomats are making their way in. but then the fest is supposed to be fun. yes it is fun to see yourself work day and night on something that kills you. you are about to sleep, you change and get into your bed after hours and hours of work on the Q, you tell your friend how tired you are and suddenly door opens and someone shouts SOS we need people for making pretty looking things. yes, the Q has its own beauty. it made many drink other smoke and some got slapped and some danced. You curse the guy and get out of your bed and take out your Q notebook(how cool) and tell him the possibilities. He says they wont work. Bah! time to get out of the bed at 2 AM. you go out, look for captain mind and tell him these people need to work. you take them all and go to guy with problem and then the guy says we dont want so many people. its better if i do it on own. Whate fun! anyway you make sure they work then and then you look at watch its 4.30 in morning. time for everyone to sleep now. i go to bed and sleep within few seconds. SARAF MEETING WITH JUNIORS. its morning and you are supposed to be at meeting with juniors and so you jump out of the bed reach for your toothbrush, brush your teeth while changing into your jeans which you been wearing for past month now and you run to institute thinking rest of the things i ll do once am back. the meeting goes on and gets over in 30 mins. wow that was fast and now can i go to hostel? no i cant. we need sponsors.. baah
When you have time you get busy living or you get busy dying.
i chose to die.

Day went by and we made lists of sponsors and lots more.. lists are part of life. Starts with Quasar list and will end as backlog list. Oh! there is a grade list also in between which hangs proudly on the notice brd of class. shows a C+ in front of my name. thats the jury grade. and yes also the design process grade.. so much for grinding pepper i thought but then its OK, shit happens . rest the grades looks decent for this cuboid.
Back to Quasar the Q word, the day goes in lists meetings and more meetings. shouting at people, taking crap from people wanting to go home and being unable to leave the institute. and there are dumb lookin un-enthusiastic juniors. how nice of them their existence is mere formality in putting up the fest. oh there is a presentation to be made for Monday on materials. DAMN !
dont even ask about the material class its theory and it is important.. very important. i already have thousands of pages to read and no time. test is going to test many things apart from materials. i think its time for presentation. the showdown.


Sunday, January 11, 2009

Silence must be heard let noise be ignored.

Mornings, god i hate them. Not because its a start of new day but more coz its the time when i cant tolerate people giving me all sort of crap. It starts with heavy firing for some thing which you have nothing to do, say like if the stupid oh or in common term 'idiot' television shows a blank blue screen with text on top which reads no signal. Now what can i do about a situation like this i try and explain them. Its not me, am innocent. i didn't put off the signal. yes i try and say that. Then people cry for not helping them. i give up. CAUTION: MY TEMPER LOSING ITS BALANCE. Control i tell myself. So i make way to other room take my laptop and start it. It starts and then restarts and then shuts down. saying unexpected error. my ass. anyway it starts later. i open my mail account and people want my my laptop as they cant yet solve the television issue(not that they can do anything about it but to realize its not their problem). Then they see me working on my laptop so they them self offer to use the other laptop on the table.

The war is about to start. people with heart problems advised to leave right away.

Q: how do i start 'this thing'?

A: there must be a power button press that.

the user finds out there are two switches on the laptop and presses one to see the laptop starting. As soon as the screen shows text the user presses the same switch and claims that the laptop shut by itself (yes i saw them doin it). I say you pressed it again so it got switched off. "NO i didnt press anything" they said. Now am about to explode.

then many worse things happened which i wanned to write about but now i've calmed down and i think there is no point in thinking about the bad times and then making rest of the day bad..

Santosh, see this is where writing helps.

and so i listen to songs..

Silence must be heard -Enigma

Look into the others eyes, many frustrations

Read between the lines, no words just vibrations

Dont ignore hidden desires

Pay attention, youre playing with fire

Silence must be heard, noise should be observed

The time has come to learn, that silence ...

Silence must be heard

Or diamonds will burn, friendly cards will turn

Cause silence has the right to be heard

Thus is the morning when am supposed to be institute and working while am here miles away and writing blog to understand what went wrong. Oh they want to get me help, some pills maybe in future, who cares if that what it takes to be happy.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

A try with animation.

cuboid's trial animation with paper.

just for fun!

So he planned, lets go places

Sitting with nothing to do, cuboid heard his mom saying go to Mysore with friends and see place. Cuboid hardly agrees to what his mom says but somehow this time he liked the thought of going to places nearby to click photos and explore... yes i will said the cuboid immediately. called friend asked he said no. asked mom got permission to go alone.. now what do i do in Mysore alone.. so he looked through the sites for hours planning on what to do.. then suddenly he came to a site where he saw savandurga, and there is where he want to go. place 30 km west of Bangalore and has a monolith hill and a small temple with lake and peace.

I need serenity
In a place where I can hide
I need serenity
Nothing changes, days go by
Cuboid has no idea of what the place is like or where is it exactly. nor how to get there. he knows its the same place he saw while flying to Bangalore. It was beautiful he remembers. even from above.. its near very near. early morning if he leaves then he can visit it and even come back by evening. Have a day of peace in his vacations. Vacations come after a semester dont they?

Where do we go when we just don't know
And how do we relight the flame when it's cold
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control

If cuboids makes it there then he will post pictures of that place but this is where he want to go as of now..

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Early morning blues.

Morning it comes at 13:00 for me usually in vacations. Today was unusual day, got up at 7 in morning. now thats early. and not just that now that am up i have no clue as to what to do. No clue of whats happened till 3 at night. All i remember is i was trying to sleep and she sent a msg and i was happy. I felt like i do matter to someone in this world at random hours like 2 at night. then i couldnt sleep thinking of things.. Things like how many people do we meet in our life and how much of a difference do we make to individuals life. we have no clue of what other person truly thinks of you. We dont know what we think of our self. LOST, again lost we are, clueless. but then some one sends msg and you feel good. you know life is worth living for all these small things.

buddy, i like that. thank you.

Friday, January 2, 2009

World is a cube, its melting like ice.

Sounds like a phrase for global warming. that reminds me of a poster i can make.. with those thousands of downloaded photoshop brushes. 'Life made easy'. Easy? its just a run away from things. running away from responsibilities, away from nightmares and away from hard work. Are we running away from life? But we don't know what life is, do we? definitely not.

if someone asks me about my life i ask them their definition of life so i can tell them how that part of me is like. if i ask myself how is my life i have no answers. Answers? what answers? where are the freakin questions?

'A well said problem is a solution in itself' said the big boss once. Once? again who am i fooling? he says it all the time..i am missing boss he keeps reminding me of the purpose, existence and responsibility. "Adi, this guy is irritating me" said he and i opened my eyes to my own world. who am i trying to fool here? myself? i thought. day went by and i learnt something. dedication. Dedication that shows in my work says jury. but i know its not enough. what if i dedicate myself completely to work? wonders might happen. then why don't i do that? maybe i love fooling myself. It makes my world look good to myself. Cuboid's cubic world looks as if its a nice looking cube of glass. Truth: its freaking ice cube which is melting min by min. soon its gonna be water and this cuboid will sink in it. boss was right, cuboid has dedication issues. Cuboid is just what world wants to see him like. Cuboid has none of its own dimensions. But it's time for change. Time to change the dimensions and stopping the world from melting.

'The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.'