Sunday, May 10, 2009

Hidden Connections

If you have read the earlier post it talk of questions i asked myself.. i thought its time to see whats going wrong. is it me or is it you, everyone else? people around are acting strange. they are retards they have started believing that. Once what was good is now bad. Once who were close are no where to be seen around. Those late night talks and those philosophical thoughts shared with friend on lawns at midnight, i miss them all. is it me to be blamed or is it them? lets blame the situation, i like it that way. so now that we have a choice of blaming someone/something its easy to run away.. Yes this is my exit plan. PLAN. are there any plans? i did plan on somethings which i did not follow. related to work, related to life... it all goes in the same place, no where. no where with a space in between so its not taken as now here.. lame? yes it is lame.. that is how life is right now. DULL as i told her. nothing happening in life that gives a motive to go on.. no inspirations.. NONE at all.

Why is it like that you wanned to do something and then you lose the focus? lose the focus? maybe no but it goes somewhere deep or somewhere away from you.. you need something to keep reminding you what is your life meant to be. SOMETHING not someone. If someone keeps telling you same thing again and again you tend to lose your interest even more.. you might starting hating that person. who do we hate and why? unsolved answers of my life.. Anyone's life..

Change is meant to happen. you cant change the change.. but i used to be prepared for it.. i lost myself then i lost new myself again.. i changed.. i changed again. it all started when i joined this MIT Institute Of Design. First sem was different, Second sem i realize i want to do this, Third sem was confident. 4th sem about to be over and where am i? i dont know what i wanned to do in life.. it was going good.. i Worked.. I worked on Time in 3rd sem, then what went wrong in 4th sem? is it some sort of overconfidence creeping in that nothing can go wrong? but i can see things going wrong. I cant think the way i could think earlier, The concepts are not the same. The urge to Innovate has faded. is it that i got what i wanned or i have given hope for it. i never knew what i wanned.. did i? now with 2 weeks for jury i know i have nothing to save me.. nothing to stand out from other similar creatures learning design around me.. am i even learning any more? the problem identification capacity is at its ultimate low.. recession hits learning process.. PROCESS the Process is not as unbelievable as it was.. SHIT! things did change.. is there any way out? dont know yet.. but if there is then am gonna be better in next sem, that is if i make it. People say they wont throw out people this sem. i doubt. but then even if they dont am i living to my own expectations? Expectations, i expect a lot and am dont like people to expect anything from me. Ignorance, I should be living to my own expectations before i complain..

Live your life to Know you are doing what you wanted to do and not because you had to..
One step closer to myself. It shall go on..