Sometimes I wonder if I am actually designed to work at night. The best ideas, the most random thoughts, the best solution happens when I should be actually sleeping. It is already 3.20 AM and am here writing this blog. Now if you happen to read this post(most likely it will be myself reading it after ages) you should be thinking why in the world am I awake at this time when I was really tired and should have slept 4 hours ago. Well I was reading my old blog posts on this blog. I realized how well connected I was to what I was doing back then. Every thought every instance is captured. It's been 5 years since I been stating that world is a cube. YES, 5 years since this blog started. What happened in these 5 years? shit loads. I became a designer, I started working, I questioned my passion and right now I read through most of the posts on this blog. Reading all the old posts feels so good. I feels so connected to myself. I used to think about things. Design was not something i did, design was life. think about design, link things to design, everything had to have something about design.
What is happening now? Why is it that the connection is lost? Why dont I think about the things i used to think about earlier. Why the puzzles of design are not that interesting? Why is the curiosity in knowing the answers to simple things missing? What the heck is happening? NO CLUE. But then I read all these posts here. I realized one difference in then and now. Then there was some motivation to do things. There was this i-cuboid to update. Though not many would read it, it has always been a way to connect to self. That is what has changed. Now that the people are missing and life is not just about design, but about thousands of different things, there is this disconnect with the thoughts. The reason to learn new things which was to share the learning is somewhat missing. That is why I wanted to teach someplace. This will not just get me closer to people who are like minded but also help me pedal my thoughts and think more. There are so many things to do in life. What we do is waste most of the time in tasks we dont even know how are they (not) helping us. Why do we lose passion is when we dont look at the things we are doing as not tasks but stories to be told someday or to be written on your blog. If I have to tell this moment as a story like I am doing right now, It will be so much better than saying "yeah one day i was awake late at night and i thought i should write my blog". No, Stories are the things you will leave behind. These are the things that gives your life some sense, a meaning and if not recorded these stories are lost. If not for this blog how would i remember how my 5th semester jury went? How will i know what I learnt from my past experiences. The only way to do that is to note these experiences and then try to make sense out of it.
"Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards, so you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something—your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever—because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path, and that will make all the difference." -Steve Jobs
Cant imagine a dull life like now with such a wonderful thing as design. The beauty of it lies in not just making new things but understanding what it is that is making something the way it is. Without design I would have never had i-cuboid, Without i-cuboid I would have never collected so many memories and experiences, without these experiences I would be nothing. Design has shown me how to analyze things and it has given me a mindset to look at things from different perspective. Life might be dull but it is design that gives me the ability to sit back and look at my life and see what is it that is going wrong. The purpose, the GOAL, the reason, i-cuboid. The only way to know what is going on with my life will be to connect to my thoughts and the best way to that will be none other than to keep updating this blog. Recreate the identity of i-cuboid in me. Awaken the thinker/designer and connect the dots in future.
Though the new year is still almost 20 days away, I think I already have a new year resolution, To connect to myself and write more* so later it makes sense like all these posts are making sense now.
*If the world does not end like Mayans thought it would.
PS - Its almost 4:00 AM now. Already feels like good old college days.