Tuesday, June 2, 2009

5TH Sem comes, are we half designers already?

It all started when i realized that the time is gone and am left behind. when i realized that it was too late, the juries were overhead and i had no work to save my ass. Will i flunk? i asked everyone. they said no you wont. yes i even asked kaka, i was that scared. why? only one reason. havent worked the way i should have. everyone has their own bench marks they look forward to. you strive to get those goals. this sem my goal was to pass.. that is kind of sad. in jury feed back they say i should strive for perfection. Perfection, Feedback, Jury. Yes its over and i they said what i thought they would say. I was prepared for this. but i wasnt prepared for anything worse, i would die.

Lay beside me, tell me what they've done
Speak the words I want to hear, to make my demons run
The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true
If you can understand the me, than I can understand the you.

"kya miyan aaj raat ko board set up kar do kal tension nahi" said he. It struck me shit its tomorrow, Jury is TOMORROW. one sem is gone, what did i do? Shit am dead already, aint I?
i mount everything and at night 11PM i tell her ill talk to you later, i need to put my work on board. i go and put 8 sheets of varying sizes on board in well composed manner and say is that it? thats all the work i can put on board? convinced that am dead. i return to hostel. 3 things on my mind, go through all the work i have, shave, bathe. damn mind is amazing tool, it thinks of randomest things when you in tension.

Lay beside me, under wicked sky
Through black of day, dark of night, we share this pair of lives
The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through
Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining

I switch on my laptop, and open the jury folder i made couple of days earlier. i open the display and control folder and go through the presentation. things start coming back to me. oh i did this, to change this, and this to make it like this, LIGHTNING STRIKES. I know my work, i know what i learnt from the assignments, i know what controls are used for what, i know of grips, i know of ergonomics, haha bring it on bitch i said. People shouting at back, shit Barca scored in champions final against Man U. sucks, but i had greater worries on mind. But bit relaxed, now they cant throw me out of institute, i wont flunk.. why? as i know my work, that is what matters. Lets Sleep and get up early and do next 2 things, thats shave and bathe.

Lay beside me, tell me what I've done
The door is closed, so are your eyes
But now I see the sun, now I see the sun
Yes now I see it!

Morning was like any other jury morning. same white shirt, blue jeans, shoes and clean shaved face. when yours is the first jury it lasts the longest. usually faculty comes along with external, but here the case was different. the external came first and sat. i start talkin to her, telling her about the courses we had.. then faculty came one by one and it all started before i knew it. Your circle is not circle she said, i could see its not. why? i had no explanation. was it supposed to be a circle? yes it was.. it started with that.. people thought am dead. i knew i am waking up. i can see my mistakes and i can improve on them next sem. he said i say that all the sems and never improve and this is last time he saying it as he is gonna give up hopes and leave me to my fate then. scared i was is it too late? i asked. its never too late he said. i was determined to work harder. At end i started with display and control, they liked it. they liked the interfaces i made. sign was clear when you put in effort in something it shows. you should do graphic design she said. reminds me of 2nd jury when i was confused what to do. but then it got over. i have to improve on my studio skills and implement it on next sem assignments. yes, this time am doin it for sure. already started. focus is back, after all this is what is gonna make me a designer. am already running behind schedule. 2 years gone and i still need to improve my studio skills. hmm time to take this seriously.

Oh what I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
(So I dub thee unforgiven)
Never free
Never me
'Cause you're unforgiven too!

Oh! and you, you need to do film and video as you click good snaps. try and find the true meaning. they want us to show same output in what we doin.


  1. To reflect on the mistakes we have made is a way to get a solution.
    To get taken in by your mistakes is redundant.
    To correct your mistakes is learning.

    We all make 'em. We all get absorbed by them. But we learn along the way.

    Good Night.

  2. apart from english gone for a toss.... enjoyd readin this... lol..

  3. writers write for english.. bogs are for expression..

  4. yes 'bogs' are for expression...

    heh heh.. temme tht was deliberate :D