swine flu

Being suspected with Swine flu is not the best thing that can happen to you, specially when there is freshers party you wanted to go for on Saturday,also marker rendering class on Sunday and a lecture by majesty on Monday. Then you wonder how did i land up in this mess? i don't even have any fever, what is wrong with people.

It all started on Friday morning, life in design institute. early morning i got up for breakfast and a brilliant welcome by a dish called POHA. i eat with people. person in front of me having a running nose. i think i got my infection then. later i go back and i don't feel too well.. the feeling before fever. i have my med, and i work. i just ask my mom to postpone the appointment with dentist and next thing i know is that am under house arrest with mask on my face. no i haven't done the test yet. swine flu test costs 18,000 bucks. ill be getting it done if i show more/any symptoms of swine flu. but that also means i am under house arrest till Monday for sure. that means i miss all those things i wanned to attend. all those once in a lifetime opportunity. anyway freshers must be going on right now. I am here writing my blog how i missed it. hope i have something better in store. Oh and you think you are the only one to whom shit happens?

Rust

its time for change.

change in life change in dimension change in many things.

As lot of things that were are going, people leaving, thoughts are depressing, and yes times are changing.

you are there today, tomorrow you might not,

its not you that went away i pushed us apart.

i lost all my feelings, whatever i had,

dragonflies sometimes and then cuboids, all just fad.

but things kept me moving,

hoberman kept happening, time kept running, and people kept going.

You have become mean they claim,

Yes i am not the same.

I changed but so did you,

its just the changing time, nothing new.

Wish you were here

How? Why? What? all these questions been troubling since ages now. There aren't any answers to these things, you live life as it comes. that's what i said on sat, may 19Th 2007. yes that's couple of years back. am bad at remembering things how did i remember this? i found it in my other blog. was reading that blog and was thinking did anything ever change? i still make decisions and i still cant explain why i did so. yes i talk of everything.

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,

blue skies from pain.

Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?

A smile from a veil?

Do you think you can tell?

been through a lot lately. and took major decisions and could not explain why! nothing new for me. but this time it involved someone else so it is much difficult to explain someone else than to convince yourself. But i did not have any logical explanation to defend myself. so i wrote long text which says yes i am running away from something, no i dont know what and its definitely not that. If someone asks "why?" I'll be, huh? who? you talk in to me?

And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?

Hot ashes for trees?

Hot air for a cool breeze?

Cold comfort for change?

And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

TRUTH: i miss them, the songs still remind me of them, but things not the same. they have lost all the trust and i have found myself again. the me i was years back. same thoughts, same behaviour, same goals, only one thing is different, they not here.

How I wish, how I wish you were here.

We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,

Running over the same old ground.

I used to write poems, express my feelings through words, it was so me back then, my old blog is all me, one of them said. You said it and i am getting back there. if that explains anything.

Its on your mind all the time.. you cant get rid of these thoughts.. cant sleep, dont eat much anyway but eat even less, why? just trying to explain things. no, not to them but to yourself. you know you are right in your way. only if they would trust you with your decisions. decisions that says yes you need to be you, not happy you, but you. i wish i could change myself to what i want to be. have had long talks on how i cant, all in vain as our life is not controlled just by us. Who thinks otherwise go see movie "run lola run". why do we wish? why do we want something or other? not talking of materialistic things, those days are gone, thanks to friend and our aim. it worked for me to certain extent, he still wants a new bass. What i wish is different. i want me to be myself again!

What have you found? The same old fears.

Wish you were here.

Wonders of design, forget who you are, forget everything. all that matters is today, how to live till you get to tomorrow. and then think of same things again!

bittersweet symphony

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,no,no,no,no,no(fading away)

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change it

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
Trying to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

You know I can't change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no

I can't change my mind
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
That you've ever been down
That you've ever been down

You've been AOEed...

Its all coming back. Those days in school where the ultimate aim of day was to win in age of empires. Now things are better as there is no one to say enough of games now study. This is perfect time to let yourself lose and figure out strategies to win in the game.

KNOW YOUR CIVILIZATION.

It started with playing in standard difficulty level.

When playing in this difficulty level things are simple. you play make villagers make army and you win.

Then is Moderate difficulty level where you struggle day and night to figure out ways to stop computer from destroying your city with his never stopping army. the trick is simple.. make lot of villagers and gather lot of food, advance to feudal age in 10 mins. and next age in next 10 mins.. this way you'll be in castle age in 20 mins.. this is where you start making army.. make monastary and collect relics before the computer player does.. it helps a lot.. keep your villager count high. advance to imperial with lot of army and then researches.. make sure you do everything before computer or just in a minutes gap max. else you'll be screwed. there wont be any time to lose.. once in imperial age, gather as much and make a huge army. defend for a bit once have strong army back it up with monks and get trebs and attack.. kill villagers(other players) and then proceed.. dont forget to explore as much as you can. this will do the trick.. game shall get over in 2 to 3 hours.

Then is the hard level. what you got to do is quiet the same only thing diff is much faster. How? more villagers, fast advance to castle age with min research and then huge army, huge meaning HUGE just to defend.. make cheap pike man to defend your city.. i chose Britons so made lots of archers.. and awesome long bowman which help a lot.. once in imperial age with all basic research complete to make your archers strongest and your pike man sustainable attack! dont forget the trebs.. they very helpful against the castles and town centres. if its a sea map make a navy but later when land is dominated by you..

Hardest level, well i havent reached that yet, but will add as soon as i do..

nice game, been playing this now day and night for a week, dream of pikemans and archers in sleep. its perfectly normal. you can apply it to your life maybe by understanding how to survive in real life when every resource might be people around you or emotions. whatever it is dont forget one thing.. PLAY!

Lets go back in time...

Year of 2002. first year in pune. yes it sounds like "previously on heroes" but it has to have same effect. (after all its all for those who love to read.). Well back to 2002.. just out of 10th to my uncles place in pune, got into SV union, a jr college about which no one has ever heard about.. well its a good start. if you come from diff place and you get into big shot place you take more time to get used to it.. so i dont regret SVU and its the place where i had time of my life.. next 2 years i became most of me what i am today. this is where i understood people. How to get into other people's head and look for pattern(pattern is word i learnt in design someday i shall write about its beauty). patterns reveal everything. you classify people in categories and you know your compatibility with all of them. this is where i met Sourabh. now why am i talking about him in my blog? I met him the other day.. it was random meeting, on facebook chat.. "where are you. home.. oh me too.. great we both in pune lets meet.. am leavin for banglore tomorrow.. lets meet tonight .. now.. its 9 lets meet at 10.15.. oh i mean 2215.. over and out." that's how we met..

There is no one who knows me as good as this guy. before i think of anything he would know what i could think of.. oh and its the same way for me knowing him too.. but i cant keep up with his wild imagination which i truly respect. So back to 2002, when i i met this guy. he was one i never talked to.. never even looked fwd to talk to.. and speaking the truth my first impression was really diff for him.. but then he somehow took initiative to know me.. and then i met the true him, the legend i may say..

and by 2003-04 we were like really good friends as we are even today. we re wrote the English poems in our own perverted way yet making it sound so clean. we sat in corner and entertained the class with beatboxing and making sounds of racing cars in lectures. we ate in lectures we talked in lectures and we got caught cheating in chem papers from each others, flunking him for the first time in life and someone else cause of me for first time in my life.. yes it was me copying. chemistry is not my domain. bio was, but he skipped bio and took geography. Later on he scored the highest in chemistry from our batch. i think he was one of top 3 in our class in total and i managed to just clear my math somehow.. These 2 years were the years of my thought development. I wanned to know the meaning for my life. like what i wanned to do in life.. my purpose. which never happened as when you think too much you end up knowing nothing. the more you know the more you know that less you know. is that confusing? well its a part of our(mine and sourabh's) theory of kind of people. according to us there were 4 kind of people.

1) they know that they know

2)they know that they dont know

3)they dont know that they know

4)they dont know that they dont know.

we have spent hours and hours thinking on this and trying to tell it to others. but the result was obvious we were called as freaks. we liked it, we liked bugging people with our theory. this was not the only theory we made, there were other about idiots and those who pretend to be idots, droplet theory, fag limit theory.. we both had our way of putting life in (what i learnt later) patterns. and analyse it and then implement it. this is where we realised that we talk of lot of things but we do things which we dont talk of.. we called it the human behaviour.

when i met him the other day we both got so excited about doing something, anything what so ever. we still dont know what we goin to do but we already love it as we know its gonna be us and we gonna do it. but again we talk of it. but we dont know what it is going to be so there are chances of its happening.

Day before meeting him i was involved in a 'secret' meeting (without any other option) there i was talkin to couple of guys about this 'secret' thing. and they needed my help with that. but then i kind of figured that it was mostly fake and it was put in front of me with strange seriousness. but i dont blame them, people who 'know' me would know if you want me to help say the truth i might just help. yes farid if you would have said you wanned to go pick your girl from hostel and not to go to atm to get money i might have given you my bike. but people think if its not serious issue then i might not help.. well i appreciate the truth. But then it(the 'secret') also reminded me of myself when i was looking for meaning of life.. that was the time before i wished i was dead every night. so i did not help them and tried to warn them but its not in someones hand to change others thought. They'll learn it the hard way. human mind is awesome thing. you might simplify everything in life in fraction of seconds but yet when you got to do math with numbers you suck at it. Life teaches you lessons in its own way. Two many clues to past life of same time period. what does that mean? No matter what it means it did remind me of the years when life was different and it was changing.

If i try and remember, i dont remember much about my thoughts and life before 2002. maybe i was born again in 2002. (and you dont smile tht does not make me '7' year old).

This is all about 2 years didnt even tell about how it actually changed my life, but its already too long and too late at night. so maybe some other day if it comes up.

5TH Sem comes, are we half designers already?

It all started when i realized that the time is gone and am left behind. when i realized that it was too late, the juries were overhead and i had no work to save my ass. Will i flunk? i asked everyone. they said no you wont. yes i even asked kaka, i was that scared. why? only one reason. havent worked the way i should have. everyone has their own bench marks they look forward to. you strive to get those goals. this sem my goal was to pass.. that is kind of sad. in jury feed back they say i should strive for perfection. Perfection, Feedback, Jury. Yes its over and i they said what i thought they would say. I was prepared for this. but i wasnt prepared for anything worse, i would die.

Lay beside me, tell me what they've done
Speak the words I want to hear, to make my demons run
The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true
If you can understand the me, than I can understand the you.

"kya miyan aaj raat ko board set up kar do kal tension nahi" said he. It struck me shit its tomorrow, Jury is TOMORROW. one sem is gone, what did i do? Shit am dead already, aint I?

i mount everything and at night 11PM i tell her ill talk to you later, i need to put my work on board. i go and put 8 sheets of varying sizes on board in well composed manner and say is that it? thats all the work i can put on board? convinced that am dead. i return to hostel. 3 things on my mind, go through all the work i have, shave, bathe. damn mind is amazing tool, it thinks of randomest things when you in tension.

Lay beside me, under wicked sky
Through black of day, dark of night, we share this pair of lives
The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through
Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining

I switch on my laptop, and open the jury folder i made couple of days earlier. i open the display and control folder and go through the presentation. things start coming back to me. oh i did this, to change this, and this to make it like this, LIGHTNING STRIKES. I know my work, i know what i learnt from the assignments, i know what controls are used for what, i know of grips, i know of ergonomics, haha bring it on bitch i said. People shouting at back, shit Barca scored in champions final against Man U. sucks, but i had greater worries on mind. But bit relaxed, now they cant throw me out of institute, i wont flunk.. why? as i know my work, that is what matters. Lets Sleep and get up early and do next 2 things, thats shave and bathe.

Lay beside me, tell me what I've done
The door is closed, so are your eyes
But now I see the sun, now I see the sun
Yes now I see it!

Morning was like any other jury morning. same white shirt, blue jeans, shoes and clean shaved face. when yours is the first jury it lasts the longest. usually faculty comes along with external, but here the case was different. the external came first and sat. i start talkin to her, telling her about the courses we had.. then faculty came one by one and it all started before i knew it. Your circle is not circle she said, i could see its not. why? i had no explanation. was it supposed to be a circle? yes it was.. it started with that.. people thought am dead. i knew i am waking up. i can see my mistakes and i can improve on them next sem. he said i say that all the sems and never improve and this is last time he saying it as he is gonna give up hopes and leave me to my fate then. scared i was is it too late? i asked. its never too late he said. i was determined to work harder. At end i started with display and control, they liked it. they liked the interfaces i made. sign was clear when you put in effort in something it shows. you should do graphic design she said. reminds me of 2nd jury when i was confused what to do. but then it got over. i have to improve on my studio skills and implement it on next sem assignments. yes, this time am doin it for sure. already started. focus is back, after all this is what is gonna make me a designer. am already running behind schedule. 2 years gone and i still need to improve my studio skills. hmm time to take this seriously.

Oh what I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
(So I dub thee unforgiven)

Never free
Never me
'Cause you're unforgiven too!

Oh! and you, you need to do film and video as you click good snaps. try and find the true meaning. they want us to show same output in what we doin.

Hidden Connections

If you have read the earlier post it talk of questions i asked myself.. i thought its time to see whats going wrong. is it me or is it you, everyone else? people around are acting strange. they are retards they have started believing that. Once what was good is now bad. Once who were close are no where to be seen around. Those late night talks and those philosophical thoughts shared with friend on lawns at midnight, i miss them all. is it me to be blamed or is it them? lets blame the situation, i like it that way. so now that we have a choice of blaming someone/something its easy to run away.. Yes this is my exit plan. PLAN. are there any plans? i did plan on somethings which i did not follow. related to work, related to life... it all goes in the same place, no where. no where with a space in between so its not taken as now here.. lame? yes it is lame.. that is how life is right now. DULL as i told her. nothing happening in life that gives a motive to go on.. no inspirations.. NONE at all.

Why is it like that you wanned to do something and then you lose the focus? lose the focus? maybe no but it goes somewhere deep or somewhere away from you.. you need something to keep reminding you what is your life meant to be. SOMETHING not someone. If someone keeps telling you same thing again and again you tend to lose your interest even more.. you might starting hating that person. who do we hate and why? unsolved answers of my life.. Anyone's life..

Change is meant to happen. you cant change the change.. but i used to be prepared for it.. i lost myself then i lost new myself again.. i changed.. i changed again. it all started when i joined this MIT Institute Of Design. First sem was different, Second sem i realize i want to do this, Third sem was confident. 4th sem about to be over and where am i? i dont know what i wanned to do in life.. it was going good.. i Worked.. I worked on Time in 3rd sem, then what went wrong in 4th sem? is it some sort of overconfidence creeping in that nothing can go wrong? but i can see things going wrong. I cant think the way i could think earlier, The concepts are not the same. The urge to Innovate has faded. is it that i got what i wanned or i have given hope for it. i never knew what i wanned.. did i? now with 2 weeks for jury i know i have nothing to save me.. nothing to stand out from other similar creatures learning design around me.. am i even learning any more? the problem identification capacity is at its ultimate low.. recession hits learning process.. PROCESS the Process is not as unbelievable as it was.. SHIT! things did change.. is there any way out? dont know yet.. but if there is then am gonna be better in next sem, that is if i make it. People say they wont throw out people this sem. i doubt. but then even if they dont am i living to my own expectations? Expectations, i expect a lot and am dont like people to expect anything from me. Ignorance, I should be living to my own expectations before i complain..

Live your life to Know you are doing what you wanted to do and not because you had to..
One step closer to myself. It shall go on..

dis con nect ed

long since i wrote? it feels like that.. but then there are other things keepin me busy.

reality check anyone?
time left to jury = 1 month
time left for Form studies to get over = 5 days
time left for summer break = 1 month
time left for display and control to start = 5 days
time left to complete all backlogs = 1 month
time when all backlogs should actually get over by = 5 days
number of backlogs = dont know
what is to be shown in jury = dont know
what you learn in this sem = umm dont know?
what did you do in this sem = a lot? like lot?
how much of is it related to design = dont know not much
will you be able to complete the assignments = dont know
any thing to show in jury apart from assignments = no
who is gonna take your jury = dont know
does it matter = yes it does
what should you be doin right now = workin on forms
when are you going to start doing that = dont know
do you think you are going the right way = umm dont know
do you even care for all this = yes i do
are you sure of it = no
are you happy = yes
are you serious you happy = yes
how can you be happy with all those things = dont know i just am
so you really think you gonna complete the things before jury = well yeah thats what i do every time
so lets get to work? = no not now
how lazy are you = a lot
are you proud of this = noooo ok i dont know
why you even writing this = to keep reminding myself
you think this is gonna help = no
so you wanna stop = maybe
baah
waste!

:)
that smile is for you.. yes you i know you reading.. haha!

And suddenly it was awesome to be alive.

This is the time to be happy. Yes you, both of you people who think they gonna die alone be happy, someday youll be with someone and its gonna be worth waiting. Trust me it is gonna be good. good enough to be happy now. Its awesome to be happy. suddenly you start realising so many things. people around you are annoying but you dont care. instead you freak them by doin something stupid. they complain, they talk amongst themselves and they write things to each other and you sit there and watch and then you type sms to someone you should, what a life. you get out of there go to prof. what ever he says makes sense, he shows great designers work and says we need to have identity like them through our work and you think to yourself he is not as bad as people complain, why do people complain? balls as if i care, they dont see the booty(beauty misspelled) in life. sssaloni ssseee the booty. haha.

you get out and go have ganne ka juice with dear ones and then you have more ganne ka juice, you used to love ganne ka juice earlier, dont worry youll love it more now. you talk of things and you feel good. feel good inc. you come back to go to canteen and then you see the **rathi gang there.. haha did they always eat so much and make so much noise? they probably did but now we can look out and hear more. ek rasna 8 rupiya, you gotta be kiddin me, ek wada pav dedo bhayya. and you leave with wada pav in hand which you finish by the time you reach first floor and then you decide to go to workshop.. why? just to get a glimpse of what people are doin, are they workin on model makin? you go and first person you see and you go haaaaaaaaaa, that made my day even better, anyway then you remind yourself no you cant do that, but why cant i? yes i cant.. baah.. anyway and then you get out of there as soon as possible and you reach hostel where you kill mosquitoes at rate of 2 per min. 

Oh all this time you are msging the loved ones. i guess that's the driving force that keeps you going. keeps telling you things not that bad. everything is good. and everything is happy and fun.

things happened and we met, things happened for good.

Linkages

You are sitting in from of your laptop thinking that the entire day lies in front of you and then there is nothing to do. Something we will do for sure, sketch maybe? so you take out your sketch book and sit with a pen in your hand and suddenly you get SMS which asks for a movie story. WOW! i wanted to make movie. Yes i always wanted to make some movies, so i used to look at world in way i would see a movie. you may call it as the result of watching too many movies. but then every day every scene had its sound effects and its own sound track.

Songs change with time, but then the thought of movie made me think of the theme which i always loved. one person listening to music, smokin up, suddenly goes into his trance mode where all his brain cells are on strike and they are enjoying their asses off. they hold a woodstock in his mind. and as the person goes and talks to others something triggers a song which is performed by the band in the woodstock in head. and then his reaction to world with loud music playing in his head.. that was movie where thinks linked to each other, like today this thought of movie came after many years linked by a msg sent to me whom i havent known for more than few weeks.. LIfe LInks... 'L'ame. 

so i sat and thought lets make a poster for this movie i started off with something in mind, Lemme remind you Photoshop is an amazing tool. one thing led to other and then other like linked again and then finally after putting effort for whole day the poster was made which is uploaded in this post. BRAINSTOCK. the logo of woodstock is used and also there is lil guitarist performing on stage which is neuron. 

That is how day went and work happened after long week of DRY PASTELS, but lets not talk of dry pastels again. so work makes me happy and it showed linkages so i can link work to happiness. LINKAGES awesome.

BHARUCH LINKAGES ARE NEW PATTERNS DUDE!

Smile you everything is linked to other thing try and see..

It's All Past Now.

Gone are the days of working day and night for something that everyone would enjoy. The tension on mind of things going wrong, learning experience , politics, people hating each other, people bitching, you attain nirvana, mental calm, all gone. At end what is left is some awesome memory and satisfaction. New people you get to know, some say Quasar was awesome other said you need to make decisions for yourself and some said you looking nice. hmm compliments, thank you all. It all helps.

in our headlights, staring, bleak, beer cans, deer's eyes
on the asphalt underneath, our crushed plans and my lies
lonely street signs, power lines, they keep on flashing, flashing by

There are bad times and there are good times.. Thats life i guess. but in quasar there is only one thing do what ever you are supposed to do.. may it be lifting water dispensers thats 30 kg up to 2nd floor or may it be solving ego issues, anything you come across you do it with dedication. then there are legends like Rahul Minda, jai ho minda. he is awesome.. anything you tell him he'll do it.. logistic master, his only worry people treat logistic as whores, but they arent paid are they? no one is paid.. so day time i was core committee(so called) and at night i was logistics. it awesome amount of physical work. i was surprised to see myself stretching my physical limits. may it be lifting tables or stools or even putting flex on the pillars so other people can paint over it and call it wallnuts the graffiti event. i loved the pain of logistics. endless nights

and we keep driving into the night
it's a late goodbye, such a late goodbye
and we keep driving into the night
it's a late goodbye

one thing i did not like of logistics is the breaks we took, you stop workin in mid way and then you dont feel like starting again. not just cos you lose momentum but then you realize what all body parts are hurting, which is not too good. but then there are good times like winning Car-o-gated and cultural where everyone praises you.. so lets stop here and have happy ending.. Quasar taught me a lot, new people new friends, new hopes, awesome i love it. all worth it!

Coming Back to Life

We saw patterns, we saw cubes. We saw cuboids and we saw life. then slowly our life went away from us. We gave up. we accepted we are sad, we did not try to search for the cause of sadness till we came across the course of system thinking. Yes design courses talk of life and philosophy. they teach you morals and they try to make sure you make world a better place to live in.

Where were you when I was burned and broken

While the days slipped by from my window watching.

Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless

Because the things you say and the things you do surround me.

System is a set of interacting or interdependent entities, real or abstract, forming an integrated whole. So when talking of ones life the system is the individual and his surroundings are the environment, this is the basic you need to know, as henceforth everything referred as system should not be misunderstood for anything else. So system is closed or open. knowing that most of the systems are open as external factors affect them. Same is the case with ones life. We are influenced by a trillion things, even more if i knew what to say as trillion sounds cool i said trillion. small things affect your life, may it be a small emotion, or a small external stimuli like touch, it can collapse the entire system or it can change it by increasing its strength.

While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words

Dying to believe in what you heard

I was staring straight into the shining sun.

Lost in thought and lost in time

While the seeds of live and the seeds of change were planted.

Change is seen every where, why does everything change? trust me if the process is followed properly you can answer the most difficult questions like why, when, how etc. Don't be active thinkers be proactive said the master of thoughts. he explained further. If there is a problem don't solve the problem, instead go to the root and remove it from the roots. remove the cause of the problem to be more specific.

Outside the rain fell dark and slow

While I pondered on this dangerous but

I took a heavenly ride through one silence

I knew the moment had arrived

For killing the past and coming back to life.

To give examples lets say you feel sad, don't sit and waste time, don't drink, don't start smoking, don't be depressed, instead see why are you sad? analyse yourself and not only yourself (that's the system here) but also the environment. you will slowly see patterns, patterns are the most wonderful thing you can see when you analyse, they are life savers. every thing is crystal clear then. you know where the problem is and bang you solved the cause. [If i havent mentioned earlier then "A well stated problem is a solution in itself" -Prof. Dhimant Panchal, Legend]. this is how system works, it gets you back to your life and time once gone is past so you change system change and environment changes, everything is set to better. ROLE OF DESIGNER IN BETTERMENT OF SOCIETY. think of systems and look for patterns life will be simple and you will be happy. Yes i am happy too.

I took a heavenly ride trough our silence

I knew the waiting had begin

And headed straight... into the shining sun.

Get Busy, Get Better.

As mentioned earlier, get busy living or get busy dying. World might be a cube but its faces aren't that flat. everybody has a problem, everyone has issues, everyone is pissed, everyone is talking.

ISSUES. I have issues, you have issues, we have issues, they have issues and big daddy also has issues. yes big daddy is back and loud. So back on issues, what are these issues? mostly misunderstanding between few people. may it be protest or people sleeping in hostel, its an issue which has to be sorted in a meeting which has few hundred students and say twenty faculty members face to face. who says size matters? trust me its for movies like Godzilla, here voice matters. Person with microphone is going to win. I knew that before entering the room and saw it happen. Industrial design people have issue in paying the material charges yes me too, but then we have a point. Anyway where there is an issue there is a meeting, yes the phrases are changing, next generation is going to be awesome. evolved creatures. coming back to meetings, being in most of committees its my duty to be in most of the meeting. Yes you have to cancel your plans for all these meetings. so much for excitement to go to contraptions. tomorrow is mega structures and i doubt i can make it there. reason? yes meetings. they turning me into a businessman more than into a designer.

I need my suit...

oh submissions due on Saturday lots of them and as understood i dont think i am working on any. asking why? meetings. Everything leads to a meeting. why is my name rohan? probably was decided in a meeting. don't say i know am losing it.

One thing i like of these meetings is that they keep me busy. and more busy i am less time to think of anything else, less time to be depressed and friends think the same. Stress plays huge role in design. everyone is stressed everyone has problems, if not everyone creates problem to be busy.

I am trying to make a screwdriver to keep me busy in hostel. as i said get busy get better.

Check Check. What went wrong?

Things went wrong, we all know that. Something that ate me from inside. Something that affected my life. Something that made me lose track of whats happening. Changed me into something no one want me to be and something even i don't want to be. But what is it that made me change? there has to be something.

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this Can t be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he 's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now, I can't think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death Greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye

Fade To Black-- Metallica